Red Sox 4, Padres 2: Chris Sale Is Still Back

Here’s what happened in the top of the first:

• Masa Yoshida got a cheapie double thanks the architect who thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of twee little nooks and crannies all around Petco Park.
• Raffy Devers tried to destroy the dumb little Jack-In-The-Box ad above the right field foul pole but did not.
• Joe Musgrove maybe didn’t come set, which made Alex Cora angry, but he escaped unscathed from a tight spot nonetheless. Boo.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the first:

• Chris Sale embarrassed Ha-Seong Kim.
• Raffy threw out his bestie.

Here’s what happened in the top of the second:

• Raimel Tapia got a hit.
• Kiké Hernandez got hit.
• Raimel Tapia stole third, was told he did not steal third, told the ump “you’re an idiot, I stole third,” was proven correct by the appellate process.
• Enmanuel Valdez said, “lol, trying to make things happen on the basepaths is for suckers.”

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the second:

• Juan Soto appeared to dent a baseball.

Here’s what happened in the top of the third:

• Kevin Youkilis suggested the Shohei Ohtani should be a closer instead of a perennial Cy Young candidate for some reason.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the third:

• Kiké Hernandez did this, which made me wonder why doing other things at shortstop appears so difficult for him:

Here’s what happened in the top of the fourth:

• Kiké, high on his own supply, tried to stretch a single into a double, was beat by several horse lengths, somehow evaded the tag anyway.

• Alex Verdugo went the other way to bring him in.
• Fernando Tatis made a goddam impossible catch.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the fourth:

• Chris Sale came back out and I was like “Oh, right, Chris Sale is pitching tonight,” because so much happened in the top of the inning that I kinda forgot he was pitching. Then he retired the heart of the Padres lineup in order and with relative ease.

Here’s what happened in the top of the fifth:

• It started raining really hard at my house and I opened the window because a hard rain is one of the best sounds that the universe has to offer.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the fifth:

• Nelson Cruz walked to first, which is good, because he probably can’t run at his age.
• Brandon Dixon hobbled to first, because Chris Sale hit him in the foot.
• Chris Sale said “whatever, I’ll just get the next two dudes.”

Here’s what happened in the top of the sixth:

• Dave O’Brien referred to a fastball as “a swiftie.”

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the sixth:

• Fernando Tatis went upper deck.

• Sixth inning Ha-Seong Kim avenged first inning Ha-Seong Kim with a sharply struck opposite field double.
• Chris Sale struck out Juan Soto and Nelson Cruz on slidies to get out of the jam.

Here’s what happened in the top of the seventh:

• I got jealous of the Padres’ jersey sleeve advertising patch, which is easily the classiest advertising patch in all of baseball.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the seventh:

• I was surprised by how much space “Cronenworth” takes up on the back of a jersey.

Here’s what happened in the top of the eighth:

• Not much, tbh.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the eighth:

• Chris Martin shut down the Padres lineup, because he’s officially back.

Here’s what happened in the top of the ninth:

• Enmanuel Valdez ripped a single, but his teammates, not being team players, left him stranded.

Here’s what happened in the bottom of the ninth:

• Kenley Jansen walked two dudes, just to make things interesting, then retired fringe big leaguer Brandon Dixon. The Red Sox won.

Three Studs

1. Enmanuel Valdez: 2-4, HR, 1 R, 3 RBI
2. Chris Sale: 7 IP, 3 H, 2 ER, 1 BB, 8 K
3. KIké Hernandez, 1-3, 2 R, HBP, web gem

Three Duds

1. Rafael Devers: 0-4, 1 K
2. Triston Casas: 0-3, 1 K, 1 BB
3. Kenley Jansen: 1 IP, 2 BB. SV

Play Of The Game

Enmanuel Valdez’s three-run bomb, with a tip of the cap to Chris Sale’s seventh inning because, really, who knew pitchers were even allowed to pitch in the seventh inning?