Here’s what happened in the top of the first:
- Masa Yoshida got a cheapie double thanks the architect who thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of twee little nooks and crannies all around Petco Park.
- Raffy Devers tried to destroy the dumb little Jack-In-The-Box ad above the right field foul pole but did not.
- Joe Musgrove maybe didn’t come set, which made Alex Cora angry, but he escaped unscathed from a tight spot nonetheless. Boo.
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the first:
- Chris Sale embarrassed Ha-Seong Kim.
- Raffy threw out his bestie.
Here’s what happened in the top of the second:
- Raimel Tapia got a hit.
- Kiké Hernandez got hit.
- Raimel Tapia stole third, was told he did not steal third, told the ump “you’re an idiot, I stole third,” was proven correct by the appellate process.
- Enmanuel Valdez said, “lol, trying to make things happen on the basepaths is for suckers.”
ENMANUEL VALDEZ WITN THE 3-RUN BLAST OFF JOE MUSGROVE!— Tyler Milliken ⚾️ (@tylermilliken_) May 21, 2023
THE RED SOX OFFENSE STAYS HOT! pic.twitter.com/5PVD8wlXGh
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the second:
- Juan Soto appeared to dent a baseball.
Juan Soto sends one out! pic.twitter.com/4WN1DgmZpu— Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) May 21, 2023
Here’s what happened in the top of the third:
- Kevin Youkilis suggested the Shohei Ohtani should be a closer instead of a perennial Cy Young candidate for some reason.
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the third:
- Kiké Hernandez did this, which made me wonder why doing other things at shortstop appears so difficult for him:
An impressive play from Kiké Hernández to rob Fernando Tatis Jr. of a hit.— Jamie Gatlin (@JamieGatlin17) May 21, 2023
Here’s what happened in the top of the fourth:
- Kiké, high on his own supply, tried to stretch a single into a double, was beat by several horse lengths, somehow evaded the tag anyway.
The human slip n' slide, @kikehndez! pic.twitter.com/LLBiyKdlI0— MLB (@MLB) May 21, 2023
- Alex Verdugo went the other way to bring him in.
- Fernando Tatis made a goddam impossible catch.
Wow! This catch by Fernando Tatis Jr. just saved 2 runs for the #Padres As they still trail the Red Sox pic.twitter.com/cSztKVDmk6— 6090_sports (@6090Sports) May 21, 2023
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the fourth:
- Chris Sale came back out and I was like “Oh, right, Chris Sale is pitching tonight,” because so much happened in the top of the inning that I kinda forgot he was pitching. Then he retired the heart of the Padres lineup in order and with relative ease.
Here’s what happened in the top of the fifth:
- It started raining really hard at my house and I opened the window because a hard rain is one of the best sounds that the universe has to offer.
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the fifth:
- Nelson Cruz walked to first, which is good, because he probably can’t run at his age.
- Brandon Dixon hobbled to first, because Chris Sale hit him in the foot.
- Chris Sale said “whatever, I’ll just get the next two dudes.”
Here’s what happened in the top of the sixth:
- Dave O’Brien referred to a fastball as “a swiftie.”
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the sixth:
- Fernando Tatis went upper deck.
Fernando Tatis Jr. with a bomb to cut the Red Sox lead in half. pic.twitter.com/EeOhcUvWA0— Jared Carrabis (@Jared_Carrabis) May 21, 2023
- Sixth inning Ha-Seong Kim avenged first inning Ha-Seong Kim with a sharply struck opposite field double.
- Chris Sale struck out Juan Soto and Nelson Cruz on slidies to get out of the jam.
Here’s what happened in the top of the seventh:
- I got jealous of the Padres’ jersey sleeve advertising patch, which is easily the classiest advertising patch in all of baseball.
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the seventh:
- I was surprised by how much space “Cronenworth” takes up on the back of a jersey.
Here’s what happened in the top of the eighth:
- Not much, tbh.
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the eighth:
- Chris Martin shut down the Padres lineup, because he’s officially back.
Here’s what happened in the top of the ninth:
- Enmanuel Valdez ripped a single, but his teammates, not being team players, left him stranded.
Here’s what happened in the bottom of the ninth:
- Kenley Jansen walked two dudes, just to make things interesting, then retired fringe big leaguer Brandon Dixon. The Red Sox won.
- Enmanuel Valdez: 2-4, HR, 1 R, 3 RBI
- Chris Sale: 7 IP, 3 H, 2 ER, 1 BB, 8 K
- KIké Hernandez, 1-3, 2 R, HBP, web gem
- Rafael Devers: 0-4, 1 K
- Triston Casas: 0-3, 1 K, 1 BB
- Kenley Jansen: 1 IP, 2 BB. SV
Play Of The Game
Enmanuel Valdez’s three-run bomb, with a tip of the cap to Chris Sale’s seventh inning because, really, who knew pitchers were even allowed to pitch in the seventh inning?
Who was the Red Sox player of the game?
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The team’s replay coordinator