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Mariners 10, Red Sox 1: A Forkin’ Mess

The Sox’s weekend woes continued tonight against the Mariners, who beat their asses. Pablo Reyes pitched. It was bad.

MLB: Seattle Mariners at Boston Red Sox
Brian Fluharty-USA TODAY Sports

Blah blah blah you see the score in the headline, you know how these stories usually start, so I’m just gonna get into it:

In the first game of the post-Ryan Brasier era, with Kevin Millar as the color man in the NESN booth, Tanner Houck, your new favorite player, got through the top of the first rather quickly:

Then Alex Verdugo and Justin Turner singled but George Kirby made Rafael Devers look sort of sickly:

Houck got through two with another nice whiff:

Could the Red Sox score in the second? As if!

Houck got the M’s in the third, Kirby followed swiftly, like a bird,

The fourth flew by so fast it blurred;

Sadly, that’s where the boring stuff ended,

Because into the bleachers, Cal Raleigh, to the ball, did send-ed(?):

The Sox went fast, the fifth ending quick,

But the Mariners came into the sixth with their tricks;

Ty France hit a triple, you heard me, that’s right,

And score he would, to make it 3-2 on this night;

But temporarily, because up again came Cal Raleigh:

Making it 5-0, which stunk, by golly;

Duran led off the sixth with a double, and Raffy, thankfully, has snapped out of his trouble!

Another double made it 5-1,

But that was quite quickly the end of the fun.

The rest of the game was an interminable wait,

As Eugenio Suárez went yard in the eighth;

This about the time I checked out,

Though more runs were scored; what’s that about?

The game ended Mariners 10, Sox 1 —

But Pablo Reyes pitched before it was done.

(Very poorly, I might add. He did get a hit afterward though.)