Lou Merloni Strolls Through Pastoral Framingham, Talks To Self, Fixes The Sox

Every neighborhood has that one crazy guy who walks around talking to himself. “Uh, oh, kids, there goes Crazy Ol’ Mr. Martindale. Let’s cross the street and, for the love of God, please no one mention immigrants.”

In Framingham, it appears that the neighborhood crazy guy is, appropriately, Framingham Lou (though I wonder if you can call him Framingham Lou when he’s actually in Framingham; that might be a faux pas, like wearing the band t-shirt to the concert).

Yesterday, Crazy Ol’ Mr. Merloni took a stroll through those leafy, MetroWest streets, talking to himself and, in so doing, fixing the 2023 Red Sox:

To sum up, here’s what he wants to see:

Lineup

C: McGuire/Wong

1B: Casas

2B: Story

SS: Xander

3B: Devers

LF: Verdugo

CF: Kiké

RF: Two of Tommy Pham, Brandon Nimmo, or Michael Conforto

DH: Jose Abreu

Rotation

Chris Sale (tied to Kutter Crawford for some reason; I think he’s saying he wants Crawford as the #6/long-relief guy, but he does so pretty confusingly)

Carlos Rodon

Eovaldi

Pivetta

Bello

Paxton, if the Sox feel like it

Bullpen

TBD Proven Closer

TBD High-Leverage Lefty

Whitlock

Houck

Schreiber

Barnes

I can’t argue with the fact that the Sox absolutely need to sign one of the top free-agent pitchers, and this team certainly looks better constructed than the 2022 version. But if Garrett Whitlock (who, outside of Chris Sale, might be the single most talented pitcher in the entire organization) isn’t in the rotation next year, I might turn into my own neighborhood’s crazy guy.