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Ten Questions I Have About Newly Acquired Red Sox Catcher Reese McGuire

Rising Inflation Pushes More People To Shop At Dollar Stores Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images
  1. So, like, was he locked out of his apartment, or something?
  2. Did he go to a busy Dollar Tree parking lot with the specific goal of doing that, or was he just driving around town, taking in the sights of Dunedin, and then he went “hey, you know what might be fun right now?”
  3. If it was the latter, was there something about the Dollar Tree specifically that triggered him? Maybe something related to that weird smell that all Dollar Trees have?
  4. Is that even a thing, smell-related kinks?
  5. If he was locked out of his apartment, why didn’t he just call his landlord? Did he not have his number? One of the first things you should do, whenever you move to a new place, is put your landlord’s number in your phone.
  6. Is it even that big of a deal in Dunedin, Florida? For some reason I feel like it kinda happens all the time down there. Maybe it’s a habit you just kinda pick up if you spend a significant amount of time in the area, the way people who move to big cities start walking fast, and then when you go back home all your friends are like, “dude, what the hell are you doing?” And you’re like, “Oh, this? Ha ha, I picked it up in Dunedin, I guess. Everybody does it down there. Hey, you want to go see the new Top Gun movie? It’s playing at that theater that brings drinks to your seat.”
  7. Maybe his landlord charged a lock-out fee? If he was so hard-pressed for cash that was shopping at the Dollar Tree, I could see not wanting to pay a lock-out fee.
  8. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Dunedin Police have an entire unit dedicated just to this, now that I think about it.
  9. If it is a specialized unit, that seems like a major case of police bloat, if you ask me. Our poor public school teachers are spending their own money to stock their classrooms with markers and poster board, and the Dunedin PD are over here patrolling Dollar Tree parking lots with military grade drones that pick up the sound of a button flap opening from a mile away. SMH.
  10. Just pay for the tinted windows, man. What’s the point of being a big leaguer if you’re shopping at Dollar Trees and can’t afford tinted windows?