clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Grinch Who Stole Soxmas

Every fan down in Boston liked the Sox a lot... But the Grinch, who lived just west of Boston, did NOT!

Chicago White Sox v Boston Red Sox Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images

The Grinch hated the Sox! The whole baseball season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

Was probably that his wallet was two sizes too small.

Somewhere in Brookline lives a Grinch they call John.

John bought our Red Sox back in 2002, and he seemed like The Don.

He broke The Curse of The Bambino, a tremendous feat!

Then he won 3 more rings! What a delicious treat!

Fenway Park Snow Photo by Billie Weiss/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images

John gave us 4 rings and boy were we happy.

But now, it would seem John is treating us a little bit crappy!

After some time, John got interested in other streams of revenue.

He bought a soccer team and real estate! Next might be a zoo!

The Grinch even bought an ice hockey team down there in Pitt.

Back here in the Commonwealth, he’s treating this team like shit!

In late 2019, The Grinch decided he was poor.

Fresh off a championship, he said “Spending no more!”

The Grinch closed the wallet and and hired a young man named Chaim.

We can only imagine what was said to Chaim, probably something like “Save me a dime!”

Divisional Round - Boston Red Sox v New York Yankees - Game Three Photo by Billie Weiss/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images

3 years ago we had X, Betts, and Devers.

Now we have just one after John pulled some levers.

First it was Mookie, our league MVP who was never lacking.

He wanted a big deal, and John sent him packing.

Next it was Xander. Our captain. Our shortstop. Never one to boast.

He would have taken a deal, but John said “No! Go to the West Coast!”

All that’s left is jolly Rafael, who mans the corner that’s hot.

And John paying him? Buddy, there’s almost no shot.

There’s no happy ending here. That’s a hopeless dream.

All we can hope is that The Grinch sells the team.

Boston Red Sox Spring Training Photo by Jim Davis/The Boston Globe via Getty Images