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Red Sox 12, Twins 5: Bats go boom, Cy goes bust

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Mitch Moreland and Pablo Sandoval were unstoppable, but reigning AL Cy Young Winner Rick Porcello was not.

MLB: Spring Training-Toronto Blue Jays at Boston Red Sox
The dude bangs.
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Two essential facts about the 2017 Boston Red Sox were on display today in their walloping of the Minnesota Twins: They will score a lot of runs, and Rick Porcello will regress.

Rick Porcello gets roughed up

As Twitter is quick to remind you, Porcello was a disaster last March and everything turned out fine, which is good to remember, today, after another bad start.

The reigning American League Cy Young Award winner (have I mentioned that before?) went 4 innings, allowed 5 runs, 3 walks and, most potentially worryingly, didn’t strike out a single batter. Is it time to panic yet? It is not. Nor is it the day before that, nor the week, nor the month before, but regardless of what he did last year and the fact he’s starting Opening Day, we need to be prepared for the fact that Porcello almost certainly won’t be as good as he was last year. The good thing is, we don’t need him to, because...

The B-team keeps banging

The title of “greatest player in Grapefruit League history” has been claimed by Sam Travis, but that doesn’t mean Mitch Moreland is giving up on March, exactly. The Sox’ new first baseman went 2-4 with 2 doubles to raise his spring average to .310, and if the Gold Glove winner can do anything like this in the regular season the Sox will be pleased as punch. Speaking of punches: Kung Fu involves punching, “Kung Fun Panda” is Pablo Sandoval’s nickname, Sandoval punched two massive dingers (no walks tho), and I’ve watching both Kung Fu Pandas 2 and 3 today as my daughter and I weather yet another snowstorm. Hey, it’s something. But it’s not quite two dongalongs. Which are a good sign!

‘The Wright stuff’ is obviously the subhead to use here, but it’s painfully cheesy, but fine, whatever, I don’t know if I was supposed to do this game review anyway

Just a tad inside baseball there, but one day after the bullpen blew a “game” against the Astros (I mean, if it can end in a tie, it’s not really a baseball game), it redeemed itself Saturday largely on the shoulders of Steven Wright. The knuckleballer went 3 innings in relief and didn’t allow a hit, which is good, as far as baseball goes.