Not even the weather can slow down this Red Sox team! I declare it, and in doing so, incur no ill-luck on this team and this game leading to its postponement!
Oh God, it's already happened, hasn't it? I'm scheduling this hours in advance. It's probably already cancelled and I just forgot to keep this from firing. Don't blame me! Blame yourselves! You were the ones lacking in faith!
Go Sox! If that's still a thing that can happen tonight!