Welcome back to The week on Red Sox Twitter! We're back from a relocation-related hiatus to bring you the best from the Intertubes over the past week. As always, these are real Tweets from the Red Sox universe:
The panda defense
Okay so: This has to be a troll, right? The 'ICYMI' -- in case you missed it -- has to refer to the near-total absence of Pablo Sandoval's glove last season, and its brief resuscitation in Florida in the early part of March. As someone who watched more than enough Sandoval last year but missed this pretty play, I'm pretty confident saying yes, this is something I was missing. I'm less confident in calling it a trend.
Closing the door (on some poor fish's life)
皆さん、おはようございます！ pic.twitter.com/rEAaux1RZH— KOJI UEHARA (@TeamUehara) March 8, 2016
First things first: Yes, Koji might have thrown this fish back from whence he caught it. It's certainly possible. But like Kolten Wong in the World Series, this fish will have to live the rest of its life knowing that Koji got the better of it, and will bring shame upon the entire pond. They say fish have short memories, but don't believe them. If that fish is still alive, it is being ostracized at this very moment by its friends and fans, and scorched by the underwater hot-take community. Sad, really, but that's why Koji is the best.
Yoan's got wheels
Well this is something. Not content to let former Sox outfielder (remember that?) Yoenis Cespedes hog the 'Cuban player in a dope ride' category for the third week running, Sox not-even-rookie Yoan Moncada showed up to Spring Training in his own insane set of wheels. For all the clucking about money management on Twitter, this is what happens when you give a 19-year-old $30 million, so everyone just chill. Except for this guy, who gets it.
David Price shares a private conversation with Chris Archer
It would appear some enterprising reporter took issue with something David Price and/or Chris Archer did, an incident that Price and Archer, buddies from their Tampa days, managed to hash out privately over a strangely fonted iChat, and Price wants the world to know that this enterprising reporter is full of noise... I think. I don't care much for this sort of thing, but I do like Price's initiative in using Twitter to clear it up. Guy's got game, for sure.
Also, he likes what you like!
Only thing worse than pulling into a chic fil a on a Sunday is pulling into chic fil a and not having your wallet!!— David Price (@DAVIDprice24) March 4, 2016
Price is right here (heh). Pulling into 'chic fil a' [sic] on a Sunday isn't just a waste of your gas mileage, it's a sin against God, or something, given that the fast-food restaurant is shuttered so everyone can scurry off to church. However, given that pretty much all other fast food restaurants are godless slop machines, you can always get yourself a heathen burger somewhere else, provided: a) You can weather the fire and brimstone, and b) You can actually pay for it. You'd be surprised how little $217 million can buy when you forget every penny of it.