David Ortiz's 'dream job' is porn star

Well, you clicked on the headline or the tweet or whatever, so I'm pretty sure you know why you're here. Don't worry, don't worry: we're here to deliver unto you what was promised. David Ortiz really did say he would be love to be a porn star if it weren't for his career in baseball. Or, more accurately, he wrote as much, in the Players' Tribune.

Players' Tribune

Ortiz's porn name would just be Big Papi, right? Why change what you already know works?

This was one of the answers to the questions in the "What the (Blank)?" series the Players' Tribune runs. Other questions include things such as the smartest teammate Ortiz has ever had (Craig Breslow -- no surprise there given his education), his all-time song lyric, and the person he hopes never retires. It's all entertaining and informative and gives you a little peek at who Papi is, but uh, not as much of a peek as he'd be giving us if not for the whole baseball career.

You know what's amazing about Ortiz? Well, one of the things, I mean. We're out here in a sports world where players are encouraged to be themselves less and less, where they're afraid or unable to say anything of interest unless it happens to be ridicule-worthy -- the kind of thing that gets players to shut up in the first place, with a little help from their local PR reps. Papi, though, dude just says what he wants and gives not a single care about it.

Induct this man into the Hall of Fame, now. I don't care if he's still playing baseball. We already know he's worthy of Cooperstown, anyway.