FanPost

Debut Diary

As our friend Bill Simmons tweeted today, Happy Henry Owens Day! The long-awaited debut, as well as the realization of Simmons' inability to publish his feelings on the Sox tonight, inspired me to cook up an ode to HBO's newest employee. So without further ado, allow me to present my 2015 Henry Owens debut diary (all times Pacific):

4:08 PM- Not sure why we change the order of Ramirez, Papi, and Sandoval from time to time. But tonight it's DO, HR, PS, in order with Bogaerts and Holt ahead of them. Sandoval will see two pitches an at bat tonight, leading to the murderers row of De Aza, Napoli, Swihart, and JBJ. Tanaka might getting out of here with an eighty-pitch complete game tonight. Your 2015 Boston Red Sox.

4:10 PM- Yankees still forcing Tanaka to pitch through a partial UCL tear, but they're winning by "swinging the bat" according to Dennis Eckersley.

4:14 PM- The Sox go down in order. Papi looks at his can of corn to right-center like it's 2004 all over again. God, if you're there: give Owens a chance tonight.

4:19 PM- After struggling through the first five pitches to his first batter, Jacoby Ellsbury because of course, Owens strikes him out on a nasty slider away.

4:20 PM- Apparently Chris Young hits opposite field at least 51% of the time, because the Sox overshift against him. He beats it with a grounder to the left side.

4:26 PM- A-Rod and Teixeira both work the count full, leading to an RBI single. Owens doesn't seem to understand that the strike zone is the square above the plate between the chest and knees of a batter. Add him to the list.

4:31 PM- Swihart waves off a charging Panda to end the inning with a pop out behind the plate. Almost forty pitches for Owens, yet I still think Sandoval is the only one who broke a sweat.

4:37 PM- Pablo lasts five pitches before striking out. Tanaka's splitter looks nasty tonight. The NESN guys are giddy.

4:51 PM- 17 more pitches for Owens, but no runs. Ellsbury continues his ploy to end my fantasy season by popping out to end the second.

4:55 PM- Orsillo attempts to understand fielding shifts. Feels bad for Blake Swihart. If Owens is perfect for the rest of the game, any replay in 2025 will be dated by this commentary on defense.

4:59 PM- Two nice swings lead to line drive outs. We really can't find the gap against Carlos Beltran? Maybe the baseball gods are giving Chris Young a break after he tried to convince Ellsbury to cover for him on a ball one step to his right in the top of the second.

5:05 PM- Easy third inning for Henry. Settling in, throwing the change and fastball for strikes. The curveball will be the one to look at going forward. If it can be a change of pace pitch that relaxes his changeup, the kid could have pretty good stuff going forward.

5:14 PM- I always marvel at the luck of the players during interviews. What if Owens had thrown a meatball to McCann while his dad was praising him? Basketball is the same way... Inset coach interviews never happen during a 9-0 run by the opposing team! One of many reasons we need more guys with the balls of Shoeless Joe Jackson's teammates back in professional sports-- to inject some "life" into boring moments.

5:20 PM- Love the way NESN turns up in-diamond volume to hear the louder umps bark the call. So do the commentators. Sandoval doesn't-- he grounds the first pitch he sees straight to second base, and lumbers off the field back to his happy place: the bench.

5:30 PM- The Sox take a lead on this combination: Napoli double down the right field line, Tanaka error on a De Aza bunt, Swihart single to right, JBJ sac fly. The bottom of the lineup comes through! It'll take about 30 more games of that for me to eat my words. Sandoval would probably have no problem eating them for me.

5:40 PM- Twelve straight for Owens capped off by another slider way down and away to strike out Ellsbury. The slider makes it four pitches! I forgot about it-- I guess he just saves it for Jacoby. This kid is going to kill lefties.

5:49 PM- Papi caught between first and second after Tanaka snags a line drive off of Hanley's bat. Double play to end the inning as Masahiro breaks down the middle of the lineup again.

5:52 PM- Owens goes back out for the sixth working on 87 pitches and promptly lets Chris Young pull a single to left off of an 0-2 changeup. Take it easy, Henry.

5:55 PM- A-Rod completely outclasses the rookie by smacking the changeup he was looking for to deep left-center after three straight fast ones out of the zone. Second and third with no outs after Bradley keeps Young from scoring (score one for FanGraphs' DRS statistic).

6:00 PM- Robbie Ross might be the worst reliever the Sox have employed this season, with no disrespect to Steven Wright. A single by Teixeira and a double by McCann mean a lead for the Yankees, but no fewer bunny rabbit- like antics on the mound by little Robbie.

6:11 PM- Jean Machi strikes out The Mustache (Brendan Ryan's nickname for the remainder of the season) to end the sixth. My lack of faith in the middle of the order and the middle of our bullpen means this is where I leave the game: down 4-2, having blown a solid debut by Henry Owens because of Farrell's desire to give him run in a lost season and the inability of Ben Cherington to acquire or develop anything resembling a solid bullpen arm.

Let's take the next two, mostly because the Blue Jays are actually damn exciting this year, and I have no desire to watch the Yankees put the slowest lineup in baseball out there and have them back up a rotation in shambles come October.