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Mike Napoli tells Elvis Andrus to shave 'horrendous' and 'embarrassing' beard

Mike Napoli is an expert on beards, so he would know.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Mike Napoli has a large beard, but it's mostly well-kept now that 2013 is over and grooming is no longer verboden. This puts him in a position where he can criticize the beards of former teammates who will likely accept the ribbing with a smile. Like, say, Rangers' shortstop Elvis Andrus:

"Elvis' beard is terrible, by the way. Horrendous. He cuts half of his chin off, too I was just up there getting on him about it. Yeah it's terrible. He looks like Abe Lincoln. ... He has to cut that thing off. It's so bad, it's almost embarrassing.. .. I can't even look at him it's so bad."

This is Andrus' beard at present:

483103133Photo credit: Brian Blanco

The only reason we let Abraham Lincoln get away with his signature beard is because he's, you know, Abraham Lincoln. Elvis Andrus is a wizard at shortstop, but until he navigates the country through a Civil War and gets some significant, nation-shaping legislation passed, I'm not convinced he should keep shaving off the 'stasche portion of the beard.

Plus, Napoli is an official Presidential Beard Advisor, making him one of the nation's highest authorities on beards. You might want to listen up, Elvis. For America.