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The OTM 2014 Lineup #5: It's Ortiz's *!#$in' cleanup spot

In the biggest non-surprise since Tyson v. McNeely, Ortiz is the OTM choice for cleanup hitter. Moving on to the five-spot. . . .

Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

I am officially declaring this to be a unanimous vote for David Ortiz. As far as I am concerned, the other votes simply do not exist. This was a rout of Godzilla versus Bambi proportions.

Now keep in mind that I once got into a weeks-long argument with a foreign language teacher in high school after he posted a quotation that said "the past and pluperfect subjunctive tenses do not exist." This argument was closer to a ten-round fight, involving changed lesson plans, and was carried out in front of multiple classes.

So if I say that something really doesn't exist, then it might as well be the equivalent of saying the Yankees don't suck, or that Raycists aren't an abomination. It is contrary to all known laws of reality. I mean, there is the multiverse theory that says that all possible outcomes exist in some possible reality, but even then, there is no reality in which David Ortiz is not the OTM choice for cleanup hitter for the Red Sox in 2014.

The only other votes "recorded" for Will Middlebrooks and Jackie Bradley, Jr. are just attempts to have fun at our expense, and can be safely neglected. After all who else could possibly take over cleanup duties for the Sox in 2014. Who else would you want to take over cleanup duties?

So now we enter into the hairpin turn before heading into the back part of the lineup, and vote for the Number 5 hitter. There are plenty of viable candidates left:

  • 1B: Mike Napoli: 0.353/0.464
  • 3B: Will Middlebrooks: 0.244/0.412
  • CF: Jackie Bradley Jr.: 0.308/0.414
  • RF: Shane Victorino: 0.386/0.510
  • C: A.J. Placeholder: 0.286/0.438
  • LF/1B: Mike Carp: 0.367/0.537
  • LF/1B: Jonny Gomes: 0.341/0.404
  • CF: Grady Sizemore: 0.300/0.452 (note: data from 2011)
  • C: David Ross: 0.298/0.382 (note: no splits because of small sample size)

Same rules as before apply. Vote for one candidate; top vote-getter becomes the number five hitter. Note also that this is not a prognostication poll; the goal isn't trying to guess who Farrell will slot into each spot, but crowdsourcing preferences. It's just a poll, so have fun.*

Voting on the 5-hole will continue until Sunday night, so vote early and often.**

*What do you mean it's just a poll? You mean we don't have a Being John Malkovich-like tunnel into Farrell's head so we can make him fill out the lineup card the way we want? What kind of half-baked poll is this?

**Please don't vote often, but do vote early!***

***Don't listen to the other voice in lone1c's head. Vote as often as you like.****

****Ignore him. He's off his meds, and needs to visit the nice padded room. Just vote once, please.