The Red Sox scored 12 runs. Nick Punto managed three hits, Kelly Shoppach got hit twice, and the cast that could be expected to hit did so.
The Red Sox received four innings of strong work from Vicente Padilla and two from Franklin Morales.
The Red Sox still managed to give up 13 runs. They surrendered a three-run lead in the ninth thanks to Alfredo Aceves, the designated closer, and a two-run lead in the eleventh thanks to would-be closer Mark Melancon.
This is not a bad bullpen performance, this is an inconceivable bullpen performance. The three pitchers who are supposed to hold down the fort are either injured or currently sporting ERAs of 36.00 and undefined (because Alfredo Aceves has, of course, recorded not a single out).
This is above and beyond. This is comical. This is Washington Generals stuff.
No matter what your expectations for the team this year after a quiet, unsatisfying offseason, this is still a team that won 90 games last year at its core. Right now, they seem like they'd be lucky to win 40.
We'll leave Detroit now and hope desperately for better things in Toronto, but you could not have written a worse start to the season, and the team needs to right the ship immediately, or the combined anger and frustration with these past two years is going to snowball into disinterest, and that's hard to come back from.