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5 People Who Must Be Fired Before The Red Sox Will Ever Be Any Good Ever Ever Ever Again

1. John Henry - probably thinks all these random injuries and bad performance by good players are due to "luck" or something.

2. Fenway Janitors - failure to correctly replace the urinal mints is killing, just killing, the team.

3. Red Sox Fans - Remember that scene in Ghostbusters where all the New Yorkers had to stop being so damn negative or the entire city would eat itself? I bring that up for no particular reason at all. 

4. John Lackey's ERA - it's a living breathing thing. It ate all the ham sandwiches off the buffet table, downed a few rolls of toilet paper from the rest room down the hall, snacked on a tube of Ben Gay and some teabags from Tito's office, and now it's coming for you. It must eat and grow to survive!

5. That 80 Year Old Traveling Secretary Guy - Will somebody shove him? Please!