Rather than pay Hideki Okajima's 2011 salary, I think Red Sox management could spend the money in much more useful ways. Clearly, they're not going to give me the $1.75 million to spend—for which they have my undying enmity forever and ever. On the other hand, if they are determined to blow the money, they could:
- Buy a copy of Civilization V for everybody attending a given game at Fenway.
- Encourage environmentalism by buying a new Prius for everybody on the roster, as well as the coaches.
- Can you say "Free Fenway Frank Fridays?"
- Dip every ball that Papi bunts past the shift in 24-karat gold.
- Let the PawSox and Sea Dogs have nightly spreads to make them the envy of AA and AAA teams everywhere.
- Hire a bevvy of buxom Boston beauties to befuddle and bemuse the opposing batters and pitchers.
- Provide Ozzie Guillen with an anger management coach, plus an Ozzie-to-English translator.
- Stage a live fireworks show after every Laser Show by Dustin Pedroia.
- Deck out the bullpen in style: barcaloungers, high-definition plasma TV's, jukebox, video games, you name it.
- Set fire to a pile of 20,000 $1 bills each day at John Henry's house to keep it warm during the winter.
What are your suggestions for how to use the money? (Oh, and answer the poll below!)