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Red Sox and Having Fun with Small Sample Size!

It's the term that all Stat Geeks hate to hear: "small sample size."

Sure, small sample sizes mean nothing. They are misleading and give you absolutely no idea of the true value of a player. But you know what? Once in awhile they're fun to look at -- especially when it's spring training!

Now it's time to have a little fun with Red Sox spring training statistics:
  • Josh Reddick is a monster. This is obvious, of course, because he's batting .471 with an .824 slugging percentage.Reddick will obviously be a starter this year, knocking out the really, really bad J.D. Drew from the starting lineup and make the All-Star game. (On the flip side, Reddick's OBP is .471 ... learn how to take a walk, kid!)
  • Lars Anderson will never be anything good ever again. You thought there was hope in 2010 for Lars Anderson? Fuggetaboudit! Lars is hitless in 14 at-bats, good for a paltry .000 batting average. He has earned two walks and struck out just once, though. (He's also scored three runs in five games, but damn, why does that matter?)
  • Jacoby Ellsbury will be the MLB's first 60-60 player. Don't call this a bold statement -- call this the truth. Ellsbury already has two home runs this spring. What, you think that kind of power grows on trees? I'm more concerned about him hitting that second 60 number: he has zero stolen bases in spring training so far. That's unacceptable. But hey, if you're hitting bombs, you can't really steal bases, can you? Ellsbury should also bat third this season so...
  • Bill Hall is the next leadoff hitter of the Boston Red Sox. When you think 'OBP Machine,' don't think of guys like Kevin Youkilis or J.D. Drew. Think of Bill Hall. Guy already has four walks this spring. FOUR! He's got a .400 OBP. If you don't want that at the leadoff spot, what do you want?
  • Gil Velazquez needs a job ASAP. You can't deny the production of Velly this spring: four games, five RBIs. Since we know RBIs win ballgames, Velster needs a spot in the everyday lineup. Sure, Marco Scutaro was supposed to be the Sox's big shortstop acquisition this offseason, but he's batting just .222 in the spring. Get a real ballplayer in there, Tito.
  • Trade Clay Buchholz and Jon Lester now. Theo Epstein is regretting it as we speak. He's regretting not trading Buchholz and Lester when he had the chance and now he's paying the price. Buchh is sporting a "nifty" 13.50 ERA while Lester's a tad better at 9.82. I know for a fact this kind of performance will not win the Red Sox a World Series. What are they waiting for? BRING YU DARVISH TO THE UNITED STATES OF RED SOX NOW!
  • Tim Wakefield will never grow old. Wakefield, in a lot of ways, is like Peter Pan. They both wear green tights in their spare time, throw dirty, fluttering knuckleballs and neither will ever grow old. Don't let the facial hair and bad back fool you because Wakefield is good to go for another 127 years. Wake has a 0.00 ERA in the spring -- something only half of the other pitchers in baseball right now can boast. Who thinks Wake is going to get the Red Sox all-time wins record? I do! And he's going to smash it by at least 308 wins. Greatest pitcher ever or the greatest pitcher ever?
  • Adam Mills is the future of the Red Sox. I know what you're thinking: "Randy, Adam Mills sucks. He given up 12 hits in three innings. His ERA is 27.00!" Yes, but, c'mon, guys! Give the bro a chance. Sure, it's a small sample size. And sure, he'll never be able to get that ERA down, but it's just spring training. It doesn't really matter ...

Wait. What did I just say?