Alternate title: CHB has never been worth listening to or reading. Here's why.
CHB.
Closest thing to facts that we have. (Not written by the CHB)
He begins with this gem:
Position players are scheduled to "report" Tuesday, and their first workout is supposed to be Thursday at the minor league complex at the dead end of Edison Road in this godforsaken town.
Okay. Those in Ft. Myers who may have read the rest of this have now tuned out.
We have rejoiced in the retirement of Keith Foulke and we won't sleep until the Sox make a decision on the 2008 contract extension for the Big Blowhard himself, the inimitable Schill.
Unless you were terribly concerned that Foulke would have a significant adverse effect on the Red Sox from Cleveland (where we would probably have faced him 1-3 times), then I doubt there was a lot of rejoicing. It is CHB, so the "we" should probably always be substituted with "I".
For those who don't know (I had to look it up myself) inimitable basically means matchless or surpassing imitation. From most writers, this would be a compliment. As to the rest of that particular statement, I've slept quite well this week. Again. Substitute "I".
This Sox talk is enough to fill the sports hole for the nightly news at 6 and 11 and keeps the fan-boy bloggers breathlessly e-mailing one another 24/7.
I usually don't do a lot of heavy breathing while e-mailing. Most of the content of those e-mails involves puns that didn't make the cut for the site. That particular statement has been
skewered pretty well elsewhere. By the way, CHB, just because we all dislike you to varying degrees, "fan-boy bloggers" make up not an insignificant percentage of your audience.
What's up with Manny Ramírez?
You mean, you don't know what's up with the Red Sox player you write most negatively about? He hasn't called you personally?
There's been no word from Camp Manny since he curiously quit in the middle of the crucial Yankees series at Fenway in late August.
Camp Manny has no pool or natural lake. Pedal-boats, however, are plentiful.
Quit? Okay. I admit. I'm not a paid journalist. I have no inside connections. No degree in English or Journalism or Idiocy. I do, however, have b-r.com. We've been over these statistics before people. 20 PAs. 17 times reached base via walk or hit.
Oh my. It's a good thing he doesn't contradict himself.
Nothing from Red Sox management. Nothing from Manny's teammates who loathe his attitude but bite their tongues and say nothing in the hope that Manny will return and post his customary .320, 35, 110.
Keep that 'loathe his attitude' quote in your minds. Here we go:
And let's restate the observation that there doesn't seem to be anything evil or contrived about Manny's moods. He is not a negative presence. He comes to the park, whistling all the way, does his work, and goes home.
...I'm absolutely speechless as to how this happened.
But he also has a propensity to shut it down, and we never know why. And please, don't be a stooge and attempt to perpetuate the farcical theory that Manny was too wounded to play last September. Every man in the Sox clubhouse knows what went down; teammates simply wouldn't say anything on the record, lest they risk "losing" Manny
Manny averages almost 142 games per season since donning a Sox uniform. Obviously Globe writers are privy to different unchangeable facts than we are. And come on. Well-established "Big Blowhard" wouldn't say...anything about this? C'mon. Seriously. If this is the case, then I want to be
Shemp.
Not had your intelligence questioned yet? Read:
The amazing part of the Manny-fan relationship is that most Boston baseball customers, who are normally critical and discerning, have lost their minds when it comes to Mr. Ramírez.
What have we learned? Nothing new, of course. CHB is still a moron. Had he done any actual "journalism", "reporting", or "investigating", he could have asked Julian Tavarez. Or called David Ortiz or something. I realize that Tavarez is quoted a day later...but...even CHB should know that Manny is particularly close to those two gentlemen.
By the way, Tavarez is funny:
The positive part of being traded, he said, is that the team doesn't make a deal unless it wants the player. "Piece of cake," he said. "Different color uniform, but the money is still green."
Have a good one and take
SG's advice.
