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Roger Clemens ain't walking through that door

Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports
Roger Clemens: What a dud!
And, truthfully, I'm glad this whole drawn-out affair is finally over. So much time invested. I have the same feeling now that I had at the after-prom party back in 1985. She fell asleep after like two beers and none of my fumbling sexual advances could wake her. (No answer also means no.) Oh well.

Who were we kidding, anyway? If Roger had decided to close it out and complete the circle with the Red Sox, he'd have to incur the wrath of the Yankee fans. Same from us if he signed with the Yankees. Houston was the safe pick. Everyone still loves him now. And he doesn't have to worry about straining himself in the playoffs because Houston's not going this year. That's right. I said it.

"Although we are disappointed that Roger Clemens will not be joining the Red Sox, we are glad that we went through the process and reconnected as an organization with Roger." The Sox said in a statement. "We wish him the best of luck with Houston and in the National League. When Roger's career does come to an end, we will welcome him to Fenway Park and will forever consider him to be a legendary and beloved member of the Boston Red Sox."

So he'll get his one-year, $22,000,022 million contract--prorated to $12.25 million if he rejoins Houston in late June. It's a good thing he didn't make the number 0 famous, right? That contract would absolutely blow.

It was fun thinking about Clemens, Schilling, and Beckett while it lasted. Time to start examining our other options. As my mother would say, "all we can do now is hope he gets hurt."

[ESPN Story]