MLB suspended 5 Devil Rays and 3 Sox for the Recent Unpleasantness:

Coco Crisp: 7 games
James Shields: 6 games
Jonny Gomes: 5 games
Edwin Jackson: 5 games
Jon Lester (?!?): 5 games
Carl Crawford: 4 games
Akinori Iwamura: 3 games
Sean Casey: 3 games

I figured that Coco would go away for a while, but I'm surprised that (a) Jonny Gomes' UFC imitation didn't get more censure -particularly considering he's something of malcontent in that regard - and (b) the extent of the Lester suspension.  I guess he did plunk Iwamura and Crawford, but...

Well, but nothing, but still...*

* - maybe he was just filling his quota of non-hit bases?

The Milwaukee Brewers have shut down struggling right-handed reliever Eric Gagne with what the pitcher and the team described as tightness and inflammation in his right shoulder, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Thursday.

So apparently " tightness and inflammation in his right shoulder" = "suck."

Q: "So, how do you feel about the humanitarian crisis in Darfur?"

A:  "I think it has  tightness and inflammation in its right shoulder!"

Q:  "Did you know that gas cost $ 4.00 per gallon in the Los Angeles area?"

A:  "No way! That sure tightens and inflames the ol' right shoulder."

Q:  "How 'bout them Yankees?"

A:  "As a team, they have the tightest and most inflamed right shoulders of any shoulders which have ever been tight and inflamed."

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Boston Red Sox designated reliever Julian Tavarez for assignment Monday, clearing room for the return of first baseman Sean Casey.

* * *

The Red Sox have 10 days to trade, release or send Tavarez to the minors. He made his major league debut in 1993, has played for eight teams and first joined the Red Sox in 2006.

Well, hopefully we can still get something above concession gift certificates at Coors Field (excluding alcoholic beverages) from the Rox in exchange for Julian.  I wouldn't bet on it personally.  Would one of the strong-armed high A prospects like Pedro Strop or Roe be too much.

If so, I'd like two jumbo chili dogs, a Wetzel pretzel, and a Diet Coke with a little ice...

BOSTON -- Boston Red Sox outfielder Brandon Moss had an appendectomy at Massachusetts General Hospital on Saturday night, one day after hitting a solo homer to spark a victory.

"Brandon Moss is in surgery right now having his appendix removed," Boston manager Terry Francona said after the Red Sox beat the Tampa Bay Rays 12-4 on Saturday night. "He was feeling ill and the medical team felt that there was a possibility rather than just an abdominal flu that this was a possibility."

Team spokesman John Blake said about 30 minutes later that Moss was out of surgery.

Hey, The Sox are playing the Jays in Canada.

Roy "Doc" Halladay v. Jon "Four Balls" Lester!  Manny "Cap'n Jack"Julio " Ramirez v. Vernon "My Name Is Vernon" Wells!  Julio "GIDP" Lugo v. The Departed Ghost of Frank Thomas!

Can the Sox right the ship after the recent unpleasantness?  Can Toronto vacate the AL-East Cellar? Will the soothing influence of Mikey Lowell prevail? Have the Canadians apologized for Bryan Adams yet?  Have I reached the word-limit yet?  Snake Plisskin?!?! I thought they killed you in Cleveland!

Catch the Fever (but hopefully not the flu)!