So, let's assume that Ortiz is going to be out for more than a month, or worst case scenario, the whole season. Could you stomach avowed Boston-hater* Barry Bonds in a Red Sox uniform, or would you rather stick with internal options, such as Carter and Moss?

Make no mistake. Sports teams are mercenary and there is generally very little they won't do to win. Truly, I'm not sure ethics would be a sticking point for Theo and co. Barry Bonds is still a ferociously good hitter and he would be likely to match Papi's production. He would only cost money.

*Perhaps with good reason. I'm not going to gainsay his personal experiences of racism.

Bottom of the 2nd. Sox have jumped to a 1-0 lead.

Dustin Pedroia got the RBI - pretty amusing given how he has mouthed off about Daniel Cabrera 'having nothing'.

Jonathan Van Every is patrolling CF, Ellsbury in RF. Buchholz in the DL with a broken fingernail (trans: an excuse to break for a week or two, with the bonus of limiting his innings).

Jon Lester is your starting pitcher for the good guys.

Red Sox

1. Jacoby Ellsbury, RF
2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. David Ortiz, DH
4. Manny Ramirez, LF
5. Mike Lowell, 3B
6. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
7. Jason Varitek, C
8. Alex Cora, SS
9. Jonathan Van Every, CF

-- Jon Lester, SP

Orioles

1. Brian Roberts, 2B
2. Jay Payton, LF
3. Nick Markakis, RF
4. Aubrey Huff, 3B
5. Kevin Millar, 1B
6. Ramon Hernandez, C
7. Luke Scott, DH
8. Adam Jones, CF
9. Freddie Bynum, SS

-- Daniel Cabrera, SP

Manny Ramirez keeps Mike Mussina in a gimp mask, and brings him out when he feels like batting practice. (Note: not a euphemism.)

So, last night the Bad, Bad Man got homers 494 and 495, and the 500 mark is just around the corner.

Foolishly/enthusiastically, I opened up the 500 sweepstakes in March last year when Manny was on 470. It looked like he'd reach the mark in August. Gulp. Just a little bit out... 

But let's have another crack at this. State below when, and off which pitcher, Marvellous Manuel will make the mark. There will be prizes. Lots of virtual, imaginary prizes.

For the record, he's 24th all time. Ted Williams sits at joint 16th, with 521. Suddenly that looks achievable in 08.