The OTM Rec'd Sox
Based off of an idea from OOLF, Pesky, RSF and a few others. (Numbers are assigned pretty arbitrarily; feel free to change yours)
Players and Full Bios
C: Pesky #6
#6, born and raised in the Norwegian wilderness, came to baseball in very unique circumstances. A prodigy who could recite the entirety of the "Modern Major General" and discuss the meaning of it’s content at two weeks of age, his talents were sadly wasted as he spent his childhood helping his father hunt for pesky trolls preying on the village children in the woods outside town. He soon discovered, however, that it was not trolls responsible for the disappeared but a gang of violent criminals that had set up camp nearby and had killed anyone coming near them in order to protect their illegal operations, which included arms trafficking, drug trading, pornography, and the proliferation of bootleg VHS copies of the Star Wars Christmas Special. Upon learning that the trolls were human, something in him snapped, and from that day forward he himself became a troll. Quick of wit, he soon began terrorizing the Internet at a rate of 38% angry responses. The OTM Morons, thinking that they could translate that percentage into on-base skills, signed him to a deal and he became their new catcher.
1B: Titio1300 #13
2B: Zacchro #72
3B: Bloggy #24
SS: Shield Wall #41
LF: .406 #9
According to his mother, .406 was conceived on top of the Green Monster in Fenway Park, although he expressed an interest in sports, .406 was a sickly child who was not physically capable of outdoor activity. In 1999, .406 was admitted to Silver Hill Psychiatric Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts and diagnosed with schizophrenia. He claimed he could see and hear the spirit of former Red Sox great Ted Williams, who encouraged him to play baseball. During his time at Silver Hill, he became obsessed with the number .406, and would become violently ill around the other patients. For this reason he was taken to a solitary room, where he proceeded to trace the number over and over along the walls. Despite his antisocial and obsessive behaviors, it was determined that .406 was not a danger to himself or others, and he was released from the institution in 2006, when he joined a semi-professional baseball league. Despite having never played baseball before, .406 was a natural left fielder with an incredible eye for the strike zone. After destroying records in the CPABBL (Cold Pizza and Beer Baseball League) his contract was purchased by the OTM Morons. .406 struggled at first in the minor leagues, as the Morons required him to take medication to treat his mental illness, but after his prescription ran out and was never renewed, he returned to smashing baseballs like no other. .406 won Rookie of the Year honors in 2013 when he became the starting left fielder for the Morons. He credits his success to nightly coaching sessions with the spirit of Ted Williams.
.406 legally changed his name to .406 in July of 2007. He is currently hitting .406 with four home runs, zero walks, and six strikeouts.
CF: OOLF #5
There is no record of Outofleftfield’s childhood, he was discovered on the side of the road wearing assless chaps made of black leather, running and screaming for someone to help him. OTM Morons manager BobZupcic, impressed by the man’s speed, offered him a ride back to civilization. Outofleftfield further impressed general manager Marc Normandin, and was signed to a minor-league contract, taught what baseball is, and told to go out to center field. Despite his wiry frame, the center fielder displays above-average power as he takes years of sexual frustration out on the ball. In an interview with Sports Illustrated, Outofleftfield broke down in sobs when asked about his life before baseball, and the interview could not continue, to this day, he screams hysterically at the sight of black leather and sleeps curled up in the fetal position. Recently, he has made the switch from center field to catching part-time as rookie Senzafine has demanded that he be on the receiving end of her pitches. The teammates have developed a relationship, seemingly against Outofleftfield’s will, and they now travel everywhere together, the pitcher guiding her pet center fielder with the leash she keeps attached to a spiked collar she forces him to wear.
Outofleftfield is currently batting .299/.367/.455 with 14 stolen bases and 5 home runs. He is on the DL with an undisclosed groin injury.
RF: RSF #33
Born and raised in Northern NJ, RSF was bred for glory. A head injury in his youth unleashed the animal/craziness within. Drafted out of the Insanity League, he was the league MVP. According to several myths and legends, he was the only player in the league. He was also known as The Enforcer, always there to have his teammates back. Frequenting the weight lifting, RSF made up for his 5’9 stature. When it comes down to the nitty gritty, RSF is all business. Known rarely to crack a smile, he opts to instead annihilate the cover off baseballs.
DH: Rick Bentsen #34
SP1: Sean O #0 (C)
Sean O hails from Parts Unknown. He throws a 4 seam fastball, 2 seam fastball, cut fastball, and 8 different knockdown pitches.
SP2: Mainesox #37
The MaineSox saga begins in the foothills of the Longfellow Mountains of Maine. A great grandson of Paul Bunyan and the great-grand-nephew of A.B. Stormalong, MaineSox comes from a long line of larger-than-life American folk heroes. At the age of four he was nine feet tall, and by age twelve he was an even three fathoms, not including the four feet of beard he’d acquired. At age fifteen he won the state championship for caber-tossing accidentally when he lost his grip on the telephone pole he was using as a bat in a neighborhood game of baseball. As his legend spread throughout New England it reached the ears of Normandin, who sent his scouting director lone1c to seek out the truth of the rumors. What lone1c found was a jolly giant with the potential to have a huge impact on the game, so he immediately signed him and converted him into a pitcher.
Despite some initial difficulties with learning to control his pitches, since a baseball to him is like a marble to a lesser man, MaineSox soon established himself as a top prospect. He only has one real pitch, a sinking fastball with fourteen feet of vertical movement, because he only needs one pitch. In the spring training following his first autumn stint in the Show, some scouts thought he might replace Sean O at the top of the rotation. Getting wind of these rumors, Sean O decided to nip them in the bud by challenging MaineSox to a wager for the honor of headlining the rotation: each man would pitch to the other and whoever got the most hits before striking out would win. MaineSox pitched first and struck out Sean O on five pitches. Taking the mound in his turn, Sean O predictably plunked MaineSox in the center of the forehead and claimed victory on a technicality, since MaineSox had not managed to hit Sean O and was now concussed. The coaches, fearful for their own skulls, quickly agreed. For now, MaineSox seems content with his role as the second starter, but many people suspect that a secret desire for revenge dwells behind his bearded smile. He certainly derives some benefit from following Sean O in the rotation, as batters tend to be kind of skittish following such a plunkfest, so his K rate is as ginormous as he is at 11.8/9.
MaineSox spends most of his free time catching cattle and roasting them on a spit; it’s estimated that he consumes more than 400 per season before he finds a snug den for his winter hibernation. According to some, his first cup of coffee in the majors was in a 55-gallon drum. His shoe size is 185 wide.
SP3: Fromalabama #10
Born in the deep south, #10 was raised in Alabama with his older brother, an AK-47, his twin sister, a Winchester Model 21 shotgun, and his younger brother, a .44 Magnum. He knew adversity at a young age, when his sister accidentally pulled the trigger on their younger brother, somehow killing them both instantly. #10 attended attended Louisana State University and pitched back-to-back perfect games in helping the team win the College World Series. There was controversy, however, as during one of his at-bats it was suspected that he hid a SwissMiniGun CiST in the barrel of his bat and fired it toward the opposing pitcher in response to two straight high-and-inside pitches starting the at-bat in the top of the fourth inning of the clinching game. He was never charged with an offense, even though the other player never pitched again, because the bat went missing. He was drafted #6 overall by the OTM Morons where he quickly became a fan favorite after serving homemade fried turducken to fans on the street outside Booth Stadium a couple hours before his professional debut. He primarily throws a two-seam fastball, a slider, and a changeup, but also has an uncanny 600 mph pitch that shrinks to .37 mm size that he uses once or twice a game.
SP4: Senzafine #66
SP5: TLD #49
TheLoneDavid is the eighth son of an eighth son of an eighth son, and every last one was a David. He was born on a submarine deep beneath the surface of Lake Michigan and before you ask, no, it was not yellow; it was octarine. His father David, along with his seven older brothers David and his 7 Uncles David along with their sons, his many Cousins David, were all involved in defending America from sinister Aquatic Canadian Merfolk living in the Great Lakes. Tragically, their family submarine was caught in a gill net which clogged their propeller and they all drowned. All except David, that is. Well, specifically, the 8th son the 8th son’s 8th son David, who survived albeit having lost an eye, who rechristened himself The Lone David as a consequence of his newly solitary status. With the prospect of continuing a life aquatic leaving a sour taste in his mouth, TLD began looking for a new path in life. That path was baseball. While aimlessly wandering the streets one day he was struck in the head by an errant ball from a minor league practice squad. Although he’d never so much as touched a baseball before, TLD grabbed the offending spheroid and lobbed it back, unknowingly unleashing an achingly perfect knuckleball. The pitching coach decided to take a gamble and invited TLD to join the team, and the rest is history.
Whether it is a result of his sorcerous powers or simply having no idea what he’s doing so that it’s impossible to make a mistake in the execution, TLD consistently throws the slowest,
slurviest, most whiffable knuckler one could hope to encounter. Some scouts claim his pitches float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, but opposing batters generally agree that if you’re going to get plunked by a Rec’d Sox pitcher, TLD is the safest choice. Besides, it’s the most reliable way to get on base against him, as he holds opposing batters to a .227 BAA but plunks 6.2/9, a figure similar to Sean O’s rate but in TLD’s case mostly unintentional. TLD spends most of his time in the dugout apparently muttering to himself, although he claims that Death is communicating with him telepathically, and has been doing so since the submarine accident. His other hobbies include collecting pogs and making paper mache replicas of his teammates.
Closer: AlohaSox #50
AlohaSox was actually born HelloSox in New England, however on a trip to Hawaii after high school, he missed his flight back while he was out on a beach taking photographs of monk seals. Stranded in the Hawaiian Islands, AlohaSox changed his name and roamed the islands taking and selling photos of nature. He played in various pickup baseball games around the islands, where he was discovered by the scouts of the OTM Morons. He was signed to a contract and moved into the closer’s role right away. A four time All Star, Aloha has been the Morons’ team MVP twice. He features a 2 seam fastball, a split-fingered fastball that makes many batters look silly, and a twelve to six curveball. Aloha brings his camera to the mound every time he pitches, and he takes a picture of every single batter’s reaction when they strike out. The walls of his house in Hawaii are plastered with the haunted and disgusted looks of his victims.
Setup: TimRich88 #88
Born and raised in the northern woods of Maine son of a Lobster fisherman and a potato queen, TimRich88 was drafted out of the Cow Penn League as a flame throwing RHP. Sadly, his first call to the show was derailed when he decided to go green and ride his pet Moose Penelope to the park. Upon arriving the park Penelope got spooked and TimRich88 fell landing on his shoulder which broke it in 2 places. Since coming back from the injury he has been a dependable setup man in the ’pen with one exception the Blue Jays.
MR: MRDB #
MR: Rogue Nine #99
LOOGY: Negaduck #101
LR: JimXavier #
LR: Sologub #11
IF: ZeroB #
OF: Kimmel09 #
OF: JimEd #14
Manager: BZ #42
1B: TD #
3B: NBN #1
Hitting: Wolf #
Pitching: Gizmosandy #
Pitching coach Gizmosandy was born in the baby boom following the civil war, the product of the star-crossed marriage of Union Colonel Colonic Sandy III and his war bride Scarlet Hermione Gizmo, a southern belle from Mobile AL. The family moved to New England in 1870 and as a teenager young Gizmo found employment as an underpaid security guard at Revere Beach. Gizmo became adept at throwing small rocks at pigeons at the beach to keep them away from citizens bathing in the idealic setting. He soon learned to control the flight of these rocks through changing his hand grip and his arm motion. He found he could make the rocks sink, curve and flutter . This allowed him to rid the beach of the pesky birds. One day a local scout from the newly arrived Boston Red Stockings saw young Gizmo’s powessa and invited him to try out for the fledgling team as a pitcher. Gizmo became a rousing success and soon became a local hero and sex symbol. His patented battle cries of " Get off my Lawn!" and "The New York Mutuals are a bunch of tinks!" soon adorned hats, shirts and stickers on horseless carriages. He retired in 1901 but remained involved in Boston baseball for the next 113 years! His geniality and sportsmanship have been a mainstay of America’s pastime for over a century. The OTM Morons hatched a plan to spring him from the Happy Acres Assisted Living Ranch and Petting Zoo in 2008. Through use of helicopters and ex-convicts, they spirited him away and he has served as picthing coach and bingo caller for the Morons ever since. Gizmosandy is truly an icon and and inspiration to the entire organization
Bench: TLS #31
GM: Ben "Cherington" Buchanan
Assistant GM: Joon Lee
Owner(s): Marc Normandin
Scouting Director: lone1c
EBE OF #
Team Doctor: WCS
Starting Lineup with 1-line bios:
1: CF: OOLF – He’s quick (witted) and get’s on-base (especially with the ladies)
2: 2B: zacchro – He’s a sparkplug (an actual spark-plug from a car) and a fabulous bunter (we are going bunting heavy – SMALLBALL!)
3. LF: .406 – He’s our best hitter when not off fighting in wars and stuff like that. He was also cryogenically frozen and brought back from the 40’s
4. 1B – titio1300 – He cleans up very well (and he can hit too!). We call him titio1300 due to his OPS
5. 3B – Bloggy – For protection of course. His walkup music is "Oh Canada" overlaid ontop of anything by Celine Dion
6. DH – Rick Bentsen – He writes on the bench on an old typewriter when not crushing fastballs. Get his newest memoir on Amazon!
7. RF – RSF – He’s got the arm for RF but the bat is suspect (an actual suspect in a case). He’s called RSF because he prefers Right-Center-Field and we can’t spell.
8. C: Pesky – Switch-hitter who wears on old hockey mask when catching and who likes to crack jokes when visiting the mound
9. SS: Shield Wall – He’s a daredevil of a player and a wizard at hitting singles but not much else….he earned his redundant nickname because no balls get through him
SP: Sean O: Everyone steers clear of him on game-day (mainly because he moonlights as a contract killer)