Quotes of OTM: March

OTMers are funny. They call OTM a baseball blog but we all know it's really a place to practice our comedic chops.

Here's some of the wonderful wit and eccentricities of the last month. Enjoy.



Spring Training Funnies:

These MLB profiles will never not crack me up:



by East Bay Evans on Mar 1, 2014


by JimXavier on Mar 1, 2014


Carp PIT...I smell a trade

by JimXavier on Mar 3, 2014

But Magicarp doesn't need to be traded to evolve.

by CO Hobbit on Mar 3, 2014


We don't know what he is yet.

And judging by one spring training outing is rather premature.

by lone1c on Mar 3, 2014

What do you mean?

Ranaudo is going to be a beast, Cecchini is MLB ready, Workman sucks and is a reliever

by outofleftfield on Mar 3, 2014

The Dustin Pedroia experiment is over

Time to install Alex Cora as the starting second baseman.

by ThinMan61 on Mar 4, 2014


But [spring training] certainly won't keep sportswriters from building narratives!

Headlines from tomorrow's Globe:
- Xander Bogaerts struck out the other day. Is it time to officially call him a bust?
- Nick Cafardo wishes we had an owner as competent and "creative" as Jeffrey Loria
- Dan Shaughnessy asks the question that's on all our minds: Where's the birth certificate, Papi?

by Debageldond on Mar 9, 2014


Why does Pedey always do the jump-step when he's running to first?

It loses him that half-second he needs to get to the bag...

by JimXavier on Mar 10, 2014

Because he's adorable

by Shield Wall on Mar 10, 2014


So, how ironic that Drew might now be heading to Detroit to replace an injured Iggy.

by MistaISA on Mar 15, 2014


by CO Hobbit on Mar 15, 2014



What happened?

by Bloggy on Mar 17, 2014

Well I went to the bathroom and apparently some shit went down

by titio1300 on Mar 17, 2014


Both he and Gomes

need to button just one more button.
(at bat in the 7th - Looks like he did!)

by Game Seven on Mar 17, 2014

No way, man!

Let it fly open!

If I were them, I'd wear t-shirts with fake chest hair screenprinted on 'em underneath.

by Bloggy on Mar 17, 2014

"[T]-shirts with fake chest hair screenprinted on 'em underneath."

Ah, the Canadian tuxedo...

by nuthinboutnuthin on Mar 17, 2014


Jeter ranging like Jeter, I am relieved!

by MistaISA on Mar 18, 2014

He's better than Honus Wagner

by grubber on Mar 18, 2014

In his defense

Honus' range has really slipped since he died, only half step more than Jeter at this point.

by NateR1177 on Mar 18, 2014


That's a sensational play right there by WMB

The great dyke, then the awareness to get the guy at 2nd, very athletic and aware play. And did you see how much that boosted his confidence? That's what he needs. I think he's going to have an exceptional year. He's gonna have his struggles, but hopefully things like that will lift his spirits. Just a terrific play.

by JG15 on Mar 19, 2014

Will Middlebrooks:

the Great Dyke.

by StevenCSoxinNY on Mar 19, 2014


Sort of ridiculous formality

Why not just grant the DH if you're the Phillies and bat your pitcher as the DH? What's the point?

by whonichol on Mar 21, 2014

The Phillies are basically throwing an organizational tantrum

Pretty sure they don't care what happens at this point as long as everyone around them is not having fun.

by daevric on Mar 21, 2014


From DRB: "When you get to Koji Uehara, you have no more chances."

Just about the only good line from that place.

by lone1c on Mar 25, 2014



Riding The Grady Train:

Yeah, there's no way this could turn out to be a bad deal for us

A million just for showing up doesn't matter. 3MM for a solid 4th outfielder, 5MM for a guy getting a starter's level of PA's is excellent, even if he's only a win or two above replacement. Hell, it's no more than we're paying Gomes to basically be a lawn ornament/good-luck charm.

by Tenspro2002 on Mar 11, 2014

A Lawn Gomes?

by CO Hobbit on Mar 11, 2014


this article made me want him to succeed so much more

just so I can use the phrase "riding the Grady train"

by wolf9309 on Mar 12, 2014

We could totally start a trending topic here on twitter

when Grady Sizemore swings the bat, the baseball flees in terror #gradytrain
Grady Sizemore can win a game of connect 4 in 3 moves #gradytrain
Grady Sizemore keeps a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records #gradytrain

Of course, then there's the not-so-good ones:

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Grady Sizemore. The result was...a three year DL stint #gradytrain

by breandan on Mar 12, 2014

Grady Sizemore's not injury prone after all

He's the only man ever to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and live to tell about it.

by Shield Wall on Mar 12, 2014



I fully expect Sizemore to Sizemore. Furthermore, Sizemore Sizemore will only Sizemore if the New York Notsizemores's can handle Sizemore. Just Sizemorein.

by brownta04 on Mar 20, 2014


Where is Drew signing?

by JimEd14 on Mar 20, 2014


by outofleftfield on Mar 20, 2014


Ellsbury only had a 113 wRC+ last year

It'll be hardest to replace his baserunning value.

Wouldn't it be funny if Sizemore had a better season than Ellsbury?

by JimEd14 on Mar 27, 2014


by Bloggy on Mar 27, 2014


The last time Sizemore showed major league ability

We still had flip phones and were getting charged for text messages.

by whonichol on Mar 28, 2014

Hey some of us still have flips and are [still] charged for texts!

by BobZupcic on Mar 28, 2014


Sizing this up....

Can I say it? Can I say it?

One Sizemore fits all!

There, I said it!

OK, I'll go to my room....

by Sluggo45 on Mar 28, 2014



The Puns:

Brentz shot!

by StevenCSoxinNY on Mar 3, 2014

everyone in the leg...

by JimEd14 on Mar 3, 2014


A pointed question,

I figure he'll be fine as long as he remains sharp and avoids his cutter.


by Sean O on Mar 7, 2014


The ball makes a special noise when it comes off the bat of Brentz

by Shield Wall on Mar 9, 2014

Like it's been shot from a rifle

by Antique Cigars on Mar 9, 2014



On Don's BP Session:

Is he old enough for the Yankees to show interest?

I know they need infield help.

by CO Hobbit on Mar 6, 2014

Please, no. I want to like Don

by outofleftfield on Mar 6, 2014



Silly Marlins:

the Marlins signing Salty is the 2nd worst move of the offseason?

No thanks, BP

by kimmel09 on Mar 6, 2014

Now now, it's the third worst.

The Fister trade takes up the first two spots.

by outofleftfield on Mar 6, 2014


So out of curiosity, I checked out the Marlins' SBN blog to see if they had anything to say about these shannigans, and they didn't.

It was a total ghost town and almost creepy.

by Debageldond on Mar 6, 2014

The Marlins fan was probably at work.

by lone1c on Mar 6, 2014


What exactly is the penalty for not sending the requisite number of "regulars" on road trips in spring training?

by Rogue Nine on Mar 6, 2014



by titio1300 on Mar 6, 2014

You get sacrificed to the Miami Home Run Abomination...



In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming

by nuthinboutnuthin on Mar 6, 2014


The RIVALRY grows

by East Bay Evans on Mar 6, 2014

Pawtucket vs Miami?

by DJDP23 on Mar 6, 2014


by Debageldond on Mar 6, 2014


I bet Jose Fernandez is happy he's 21 now

So he can legally drink himself to sleep at night for being a Marlin.

by Sean O on Mar 6, 2014

The alcohol does nothing.

In the morning he still wakes up a Marlin.

by lone1c on Mar 6, 2014

Oh god

Can you imagine waking up and being horribly hungover AND a Marlin?

by daevric on Mar 7, 2014

The walk of shame that lasts forever

The title of being a Marlin just follows you out of bed.

by Bheebs on Mar 7, 2014



OTM Relationships:

Actually, I've observed it a lot more than I've commented on it.

I have maybe twice. I don't follow him around, either.

I never understood that criticism on OTM. We are all looking at the same posts for the most part.

by Debageldond on Mar 9, 2014

Tell the truth

you found his Facebook and commented on his negativity on there too.

by MaineSox on Mar 9, 2014

How could I be looking at his Facebook when I'm looking through his bedroom window right now?

by Debageldond on Mar 9, 2014

I love you.

by Dale Sams on Mar 9, 2014


So, that was a waste of a few hours.

I signed up for one of those crappy free dating sites, curious about what "matches" I'd meet.

I have had 7 people look at my profile. 4 of them are from Canada. 2 of them are from nearby states. 1 is from my state and is apparently an "88% match".

Pointless, and I know nothing will come of it.

But it was a time waster.

Oh, and in case there was any doubt, they also say I'm "More Cool" than people in my age group.

by outofleftfield on Mar 28, 2014

You and Senzafine looking for a third?

by TheLoneDavid on Mar 28, 2014



Cardboard Boxes?

I'd take [Drew] back

if and only if he's willing to take a back-up role. Shoot, I think the Sox could even do a 2-year contract if that were clearly stated to be the intention.

by Greenville_Gent on Mar 13, 2014

he's more talented than a back-up and doesn't want to get paid like a back up. Seriously, this is so obviously a non-starter it's become irritating to hear fans mention it when it's obviously not going to happen

by redge on Mar 13, 2014

It beats listening to sad music in a cardboard box, though. But I'm sorry to irritate you in any event.

by Greenville_Gent on Mar 13, 2014

"It beats listening to sad music in a cardboard box, though"

God...can we please make this a thing?

by Bloggy on Mar 13, 2014

It would be a good motto for Placeholder at bats

by Shield Wall on Mar 13, 2014

Only if we can replace his team picture with this



by daevric on Mar 13, 2014



Dreams of X-Man:

I had a very odd dream last night

For some reason I was watching a Red Sox game where Xander was doing nothing but hitting pop ups to second base, the crazy part is no one could catch them.

by titio1300 on Mar 22, 2014

Wasn't a dream, man.

Xander hits pop ups so high they break atmosphere and come down faster than terminal velocity and on fire.

by TheLoneDavid on Mar 22, 2014



OTM Math:

And I put the wrong numbers on the wrong slots for at least whip

If I'm correct at review time something seriously wonky has happened.

by jaaaaasper on Mar 24, 2014

What do you mean he didn't have a WHIP of 15 or an ERA of 1.23? I'm fairly sure I didn't think he'd only pitch 7.8 innings! On the other hand, at least his 178 K/9 looks sexy

by outofleftfield on Mar 24, 2014


We didn't suffer our first loss in 2013 until game 3.

We’re on our way to our first loss in game 1!

Obviously, this team is 3 times as worse as last years.

by outofleftfield on Mar 31, 2014

That's just science.

by Debageldond on Mar 31, 2014

I really believe that math is correct

by coolguyJB on Mar 31, 2014



"Huge" Papi Contract:

Yeah, the fact that he's a DH is huge.

by Debageldond on Mar 23, 2014

And the fact that he's huge is why he's a DH.

by dsharp on Mar 23, 2014

bah dum tss

by Debageldond on Mar 23, 2014


The best thing about this deal is that we should no longer have to listen to Papi whine about his contract in spring training.

by Walt in Maryland on Mar 25, 2014

Papi didn't whine about his contract in previous spring trainings

So it'll be the same but with fewer awesome quotes from Ortiz.

by Marc Normandin on Mar 25, 2014



‘Mericah Jackets:

Anything that leads baseball players to dressing more like pro wrestlers is A-OK in my book

I want to see Ortiz in a vintage Macho Man or Ted DiBiase getup.

by Sologub on Mar 26, 2014

Pedroia in a luchador mask is now a thing I must see.

Also if baseball players can dress like wrestlers, Napoli can finally take at bats with no shirt on. It is his destiny.

by CO Hobbit on Mar 26, 2014

Here are the pants to match



by ipkiss on Mar 26, 2014


In lieu of buying the jacket

Send $250 to lone1c's retirement Red Sox Victory fund. Contact lone1c for payment details. (lone1c accepts Paypal.)

by lone1c on Mar 26, 2014

If I had 250 dollars.

I would so buy one of these.

This type of thinking is why I do not have 250 dollars.

by outofleftfield on Mar 26, 2014



Placeholder Bats Third:

Folks, I know as well as anybody that this is spring and nothing that happens in the games really matters all that much for another few days yet. But that's A.J. Pierzynski batting third for the 2014 Boston Red Sox and, God help me, I can't. I just can't.

- Ben Buchanan, March 28th

Ben step away from the ledge, just think about what Bob Marley sings

"Don't worry..."

Oh God, how does that line end?!

by titio1300 on Mar 28, 2014

"oh god it's going to be horrible, oh sweet ganja Jesus, why?"

by TheLoneDavid on Mar 28, 2014



Darkest Timeline?


I've been vocal here against it, but I'm not shitting any beds. It's not the worst case scenario or the darkest timeline

by whonichol on Mar 28, 2014

Darkest Timeline is that we kept Ellsbury, traded JBJ, and had Sizemore in LF.

Ellsbury collides with Sizemore, ending both of their careers.

by outofleftfield on Mar 28, 2014

I can think darker.

Napoli goes up to catch a pop fly. His hip brakes free of his body and decapitates all three outfielders and Xander just before the now sentient telephones lead their attack on humanity to avenge the harm inflicted by David Ortiz upon their people.

Also Derek Jeter has a goatee for some reason.

by CO Hobbit on Mar 28, 2014

And then David Ortiz rips off his mask to reveal he was really M Night Shamaamamamamallayan

by outofleftfield on Mar 28, 2014



Prospect Fever:

I am certainly not one of those

who lusts over prospects and considers them sure-things.

by Bloggy on Mar 29, 2014


My Cecchini pinup poster is amaaaaaaaaaazing.

by Sean O on Mar 29, 2014



Andrew Miller = Sloth:

Andrew Miller kinda looks like a sloth to me

So maybe we can make something out of that.

by JG15 on Mar 30, 2014

How did I never notice this before?



by Shield Wall on Mar 30, 2014



Oh, Mom…

My mom just called our secondbaseman "Justin Pedroia".

by Anthony Emerson on Mar 31, 2014

Get a new mom.

by outofleftfield on Mar 31, 2014


by Anthony Emerson on Mar 31, 2014

Which are your favorites? Did I miss any especially good ones? Let me know below...

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Over the Monster

You must be a member of Over the Monster to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Over the Monster. You should read them.

Join Over the Monster

You must be a member of Over the Monster to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Over the Monster. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.