The night before Troutmas

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Sleep tight, my friends, and dream of Trout.

T'was the night before Troutmas and all through the park
Not a player was stirring, not even a Carp.
The banners were hung in the cold Boston air
With the hopes a new friend soon would be there.

Us fans were at home decked in our reds
With memories of October dancing in our heads.
And Henry and Cherington, fitted for their rings
Had settled their roster with two months till spring

When suddenly their phones awoke and shined bright
A text from afar on a dark winter night
"Jerry Dipoto" read the 4-inch screen
News most surprising awaited unseen

"Perhaps you have noticed, my team is not great.
Hamilton and Pujols have become quite the weight.
I look at our farm system so barren and empty
And wonder 'how can we win 'fore two thousand and twenty?' "

"The writing on the wall is as troubling as clear
I have a superstar who'll never stay here!
We haven't the money, even with time
To match other teams dime-for-a-dime."

"So I turn to you, with your system so stacked
And financial flexibility certainly not lacked,
To see if we can't find a way to a trade
That would shock the league if ever it's made."

"I am sure by now you know of whom I speak,
Though I won't say it here for fear of a leak.
But if you think you can pay the price I would seek.
Then get back to me quickly, by the end of the week."

Cherington sat and he stared and he wondered and thought
'Could such a great talent truly be bought?
We might have the men, but even if we do,
To trade quite so many and get not even two?'

It's an interesting scenario, but sadly not real.
Young Trout isn't moving, there is no such deal.
But what if there was? What would it take?
This question we'll answer, proposals we'll make.

"What's the point?" You might ask, "and Bah! Humbug! too!
Who cares about something neither team will do?!"
And to you I suggest the acquisition of some spirit
The fun holiday sort--there's no need to fear it!
And who even knows? Though the idea sounds hysterical
All it might take is a Troutmas Day miracle.

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