Every Red Sox Player To Be In Best Shape Of Their Life

Kelley L Cox-US PRESSWIRE

Every Red Sox player will be in the best shape of their life. Really. Totally. We swear.

It's started.

John Farrell got things underway subtly. He didn't go straight for the throat, informing us that David Ortiz had dropped 30 pounds and added it back all in muscle. He did not reveal that Clay Buchholz' back had been reforged out of titanium, with doctors calling it the most impressive back of all time. But he did say (via Nick Cafardo) that Daniel Bard has found his old arm slot, and that he's throwing with power once again.

If you're skeptical that the floodgates have opened, behold Cafardo's next tweet:

Red Sox manager John Farrell said you won't recognize John Lackey because he's in such great shape.

And here we go.

Prepare yourselves, friends. It's the cold, dark month of January, which means we're weeks away from pitchers and catchers, but also reaching the point where everything worth talking about has been talked about, and news is restricted to players being in great shape or, God forbid, getting injured before the year even starts.

Is John Lackey in great shape? Could be. Of course, he was said to be in the best shape of his life before 2011, and we all know how that turned out. As for Daniel Bard being fixed, I'll believe it when I see it. "Throwing with power" could mean 92-94 just as easily as it could mean 97-100. We'll see come spring training, and not before that.

In the meantime, sit back, relax, and drink the Kool-Aid, because I heard Stephen Drew is in awesome shape and will never be injured again, while over in Houston Jed Lowrie is looking forward to playing 162 games and earning those MVP incentives.

No, seriously, that's a thing.

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