Red Sox New Years Resolutions

The New Years resolution has been with us for a long time and, because we're so good at breaking them, they'll probably be with us a while longer. And yet the process is, I believe, a good one. Highlighting faults in order to attempt to improve ones self is a worthy tradition. I

In that spirit, I've assembled a crack team of crack smokers who have helped me gather new years resolutions from some of the Boston Red Sox. I should note that the idea for this article was taken from Wendy Thurm's excellent piece at Baseball Nation.

Here, without permission, they are:

Kevin Youkilis - Figure out a way to incorporate standing on my head into my batting stance. Eliminate cannibalism from diet. Finally fill out Greek God paperwork.

Ryan Kalish - Win starting right field job; Work hard at recuperating from injuries. Avoid new injuries. Master art of crocodile wrestling with new crocodile pit at house.

Dustin Pedroia - Kick so much butt I win the AL and NL MVP awards proving once and for all that A) I'm awesome and B) I'm even awesomer than that. Learn to crochet.

Ben Cherington - Beat Lucchino in Backgammon; Fleece White Sox GM Kenny Williams twice to lay groundwork for move to Chicago in nine years.

John Henry - Sell that stupid slippery yacht. Buy less slippery model. Also, scale Kilimanjaro with Pope, John Kerry, Wally the Green Monster, and John F. Kennedy (he's still alive!).

Larry Lucchino - Master Ben Cherington impression for use in prank calling other GMs and WEEI. Anonymously send dead flowers to Theo Epstein. Poop on Wrigley Field mound. Learn to appreciate death metal.

Carl Crawford - Run a 4.40 forty yard dash. Break the 4 minute mile. Lift an entire tractor over my head with one arm. Yeah! Oh, and there was one about baseball too, I forget...

Jarrod Saltalamacchia - Increase my share of Red Sox t-shirt market to 50% through shear awesomeness.

Adrian Gonzalez - Defy Jesus just once.

Josh Beckett - [most avoid fried chicken joke... must avoid fried chicken joke...] Win World Series MVP; Finally get that KFC sponsorship. [dammit!]

Clay Buchholz - Resolve to break less important body part during season than back. Maybe tushy. Two words: full mullet.

Jose Iglesias - Learn to field blindfolded; Remember to use airlines credit card at batting cages and will get that around the world ticket!

Jacoby Ellsbury - Help at least 300 old ladies cross the street. Volunteer 1,000 hours at soup kitchen. Hit 70 homers and buy state of Oregon.

Jon Lester - Win Cy Young Award; Win MVP; Win World Series MVP; Stop AIDS; Eliminate world hunger; WIN ALCS MVP too.

John Lackey - Dude, man. Dude.

Daisuke Matsuzaka - Foster so much anger, resentment and hatred at OTM that they all give up and become Blue Jays fans. Sign with Blue Jays.

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