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Red Sox Restructure Medical Staff

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The Red Sox restructure their medical and training staff, including the addition of several new strength and conditioning personnel and the elimination of the team's Head Beer-and-Chickenologist. "In retrospect, it kinda makes sense," said an unnamed and entirely fictional team source. General Manager Ben Cherington indicated that the changes were undertaken in an effort to "provide the best possible care for the players moving forward," presumably shifting the medical staff's focus away from warding off villagers with torches and pitchforks and genetically engineering a monkey with four asses.

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