How slow is Adrian Gonzalez? (OTM Match Game #1)

by lone1c on Aug 25, 2011 10:10 AM EDT

Well, since it's Thursday, that means it's going to likely be a slow day up ahead, baseball-wise. Or maybe not, since the threat of Hurricane Irene is raising the spectre of another round of "Death by Baseball," with the Sox squeezing three games into two days, with the possibility of a doubleheader on Saturday in anticipation of a hurricane-out on Sunday. (Especially since Oakland doesn't come back to the East Coast, nor are there common off days remaining.)

However, I still wanted to do something fun for the day, so I thought I'd introduce a new occasional feature: OTM Match Game! It's like Mad Libs, except you get the "question" in advance, and try to come up with the "best" response. ("Best" response meaning the one that earns the most recs.) The winner will even get a prize: a free download of the new SBNation app for iPhone! (Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price: $0.00!) (Insert audience "oohs" and "ahs" here.)

So, give it your best shot:

lone1c: "I love Adrian Gonzalez, but I've got to tell you, he's really slow."

Studio audience: "HOW SLOW IS HE?"

lone1c: "Gonzalez is so slow, that the Sox were doing warmups around Fenway, and he just got lapped by <blank>."

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Adrian Gonzalez is so slow

That this:

Was invented, built and then used to beat him during the entire period of a race around the bases by a great-grandmother.

"We are not normal, We are Legends. People will tell their kids about us." - Deon Butler before Ohio State Game 2008.

by Rogue Nine on Aug 25, 2011 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

Not just any great-grandma

Gonzo’s great-grandma!

Fenway: "An alternate and better universe, disguised as a ballpark." --Thomas Boswell

by lone1c on Aug 25, 2011 10:28 AM EDT up reply actions

We're talking about the Muppet, here

by Tarrsk on Aug 25, 2011 10:55 AM EDT up reply actions

Live feed of Adrian Gonzalez running the bases:

by Tarrsk on Aug 25, 2011 10:54 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs

I've got it:

Adrian Gonzalez is so slow, when he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house.

I look forward to receiving your recs.

by Jake_W on Aug 25, 2011 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

O.K.; I'll play

he just got lapped by:
…a scalper working the pre-game crowd, Van Ness to Lansdowne to Brookline to Yawkey.
…the Green Monster. Not the guy in the Wally suit, but the actual left field wall. (MEGAQUAKE was worse than we thought.)
…a beer vendor carrying a full tray.
…Jerry Remy.
…the construction crew adding the next round of improvements to Fenway.
…Frank McCourt, but to be fair, he was being chased by Jamie, Bud Selig and the guys who beat up Brian Stow.
…a bronze statue of Derek Jeter. No, wait; that wasn’t a statue…. sometimes it can be hard to tell….
…me. (Oh, the shame of it — for Gonzo, of course.)

"What's so special about Lou Gehrig? Shouldn't EVERY Yankee have a disease named after him?"

by Tessie's Dad on Aug 25, 2011 11:11 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs