The Team Your Team Could Look Like

by 0157H7 on Dec 10, 2010 8:01 AM EST in Fun Stuff

Steinbrenner: Hello, Sox fans... Look at your team, now back at mine, now back to your team, now BACK TO MINE...

Steinbrenner: Sadly, your team isn't mine. But if it stopped spending wisely and switched to a $200 Million Payroll, it could look like mine.

Steinbrenner: Look down, now back up... where are you?

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Steinbrenner: You're in the playoffs with the team your team could look like.

Steinbrenner: What's that in your hand? Back at me... It's an offseason filled with $20 million stars.

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Steinbrenner: Look again...

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Steinbrenner: Your stars are now on the disabled list! Anything is possible when your team looks like $200 Million, and not a Moneyball club.

Steinbrenner: I'm on a budget.

Poll

What is the latent subtext of this piece?

The author's obsession with money indicates a reflexive condemnation of fin de siecle materialist culture, and a longing for an idealized society, signified by the omnipresent Marxist-Kantian rhetoric.

53 votes

The stout lines and angular bats reveal a phallocentric focus, which becomes the thrust of the argument as the (undoubtedly male) author literally forces his ideas on an unwilling readership.

55 votes

The repetitious questioning mirrors the catechism, a sign of the tormented author's struggle for faith in a world deserted by God.

48 votes

Take yer stinking paws off me, you damn dirty apes!

161 votes

317 votes | Poll has closed

Tweet Comment 14 comments | 3 recs |

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Read More: New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox

Comments

Heston, for the win!

Good work, E-Coli. As always.

Galactus does as he pleases. Because Galactus is drunk.

@#$%ing Twit: @blogtard

by Bloggy on Dec 10, 2010 8:26 AM EST reply actions

Only one complaint...

I wish it was longer :)

by AJBlue7 on Dec 10, 2010 10:08 AM EST reply actions

That's what she said...

Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.

by mystman995 on Dec 10, 2010 1:31 PM EST up reply actions

Steinbrenner image

The reason for AdBlock.

by Sean O on Dec 10, 2010 10:48 AM EST reply actions

Yeah look here's your rec ok : )

by Tai on Dec 10, 2010 11:41 AM EST reply actions

Brilliant.

"If your happiness depends on Boston winning or losing, you have to get a life." Manny Somebody-or-other
Being a Red Sox fan is an emotional commitment; being a Yankees fan is a character flaw.

by Tessie's Dad on Dec 10, 2010 11:55 AM EST reply actions

I thought there would

at least one Star Wars Obi Wan “Strike me down” joke.

by jcorye1 on Dec 10, 2010 12:47 PM EST reply actions

Humor... amusement... diversion...

The Jedi craves not these things.

Adrian Beltre is why we can't have healthy outfielders.

by 0157H7 on Dec 10, 2010 6:06 PM EST up reply actions

what? what did you say?

speak in american

by Mick Lowe on Dec 10, 2010 1:07 PM EST reply actions

Por esto, voy a escribir solamente en Espanol.

Adrian Beltre is why we can't have healthy outfielders.

by 0157H7 on Dec 10, 2010 6:07 PM EST up reply actions

Por Favor, Caballero...

No hay problema con el idioma de Cervantes y por supesto el idioma del Papi.

by superferret on Dec 10, 2010 10:08 PM EST up reply actions

You Didn't Make A

“SWAN DIVE!” reference.

Otherwise, this was just hilarious.

"Common sense is quite rare." - Voltaire

The Artist Formerly Known as PacoL250
Resident Psychologist and Tech Support at Over the Monster: SB Nation's Resident Red Sox Web Site

by Raj Ghetia on Dec 10, 2010 3:27 PM EST reply actions

The Sox may not be Darth Vader

But we act more like Boba Fett..

We can’t compete monetarily with the MFYs. No one can compete monetarily with the MFYs. The only team that should compete with the MFY, given the market, the potential for huge revenue streams, and loyal fan base (well once a loyal fan base) are the Dodgers. However they turned into a basketcase while the Angels sooner or later outdraw them.

So, the Sox have to pick smarter and play smarter than the MFYs.

I also get the inkling that the Teixiera deal wasn’t the greatest contract to give out to a streaky first baseman, after his performance in the 2010 ALCS.

by superferret on Dec 10, 2010 4:59 PM EST reply actions