The Curious Case of Billy Beane

A gifted, athletic young man fails at the plate and as a pro-baseball player. With his early dreams impossible, he begins the incredible transformation from man into computer. Along the way he manages some excellent bargain-bin teams, falters in the playoffs, writes a book about statistics, and romances a Toshiba.

Meanwhile, Chad Bradford is born with curiously downward-shaped arms. His parents are loving and supportive, but they cannot shield him from ridicule at school. Improbably, Bradford makes it to minor league ball, drafted unbeknowst to him to serve as official team whipping boy. Luckily, a clever coach sees something in him, and he is promoted to the majors. Some success and a trade later, he is pitching on the Oakland Mathletics: reciting his OPS Against, drilling rookies in the importance of OBP, discoursing on the merits of EqA vs. Justin’s Numbers, and dominating opposing batters.

But Beane looks on as his team falls out of contention, crushed like a skull under the juggernaut of Theo Epstein. Vainly he tries to extract Kevin Youkilis from the Red Sox, every time rebuffed.

Spoiler Warning:
Skipping ahead to the end, in the climactic final scene, Bill-E rescues the overweight globules formerly known as humans from their oppressive space-ship captor. Then Admiral Bill leads them across the stars, killer robots in pursuit, in search of the mythical 13th colony of COBOL, Earth. Unfortunately, when they get there, they are enslaved by damned dirty apes, from whom Mr. Beane escapes, with many sight gags and comical hijinks. As he races past the moons of Jupiter, he encounters a black monolith, which prompts a stunning transformation. Beane ascends to a higher level of existence, reaches out with his finger, and turns baseball into golf.

THE END

I was shocked they could get someone like Pitt for a subject most movie goers could care less about.

This is really not a big deal in H-Town, I would guess that 50% of all projects never make it to actual filming. The fact that Pitt was attached and that its a baseball movie probably got the sports media all worked up when the truth was the project was far from ready to be shot.

Great book, but it seems like it’d be a lousy movie.