We just can’t have a .300 OBP batting 1st. Especially not when MVP has a .400 in the 2 slot without much power backing it up. Pedroia – Drew or, hell, Pedroia-Green (to keep Drew’s power potential in a more power-oriented lineup slot) seems much more viable right now.

whether you believe in the metaphysical or not, some trends should not be ignored under the banner of “just in case”! According to my calculations in the last 16 games, the Sox have won 13 and lost 3. The one absolute common factor for all the wins was Julio Lugo did not start, and the one absolute factor for all the losses was Lugo started. Since the guy is a lousy player and a momentum sucker of first order, it hardly seems necessary to go into the realm of the metaphysical to assign some relation here, but do whatever you have to make a connection. NO MORE LUGO STARTS!!!

Ellsbury presses Play on the answering machine:
“You have 17 messages.”

1: Yeaaaah, Hi, this is E.Coli from Over the Monster..
2: Yeaaaah, Hi, this is E.Coli…
[Ellsbury starts pressing the Delete button]
5: Yeaaaah, Hi, it’s E.Coli again…
…
[Ellsbury is now slamming the Delete button]
15: Yeaaaah, Hi, it’s me again, I was away from my desk, just checking in case you called while I was away…

But it’s also good to visit the employees in person, to make them feel special.

Walks up to Ellsbury’s locker, holding a cup of coffee:
Me: "Hello Jake, What’s happening?… Uhhh… we have sort of a problem here. Yeahhh, you apparently have a walk rate below 5%. We’re trying to walk more.
Ellsbury: Oh sorry about that, I forgot.
Me: Ummm, yeaaah. Y’see we’re trying to get people on base so we can score some runs. Did you see the memo about this?
Ells: Yes, I have the memo right here, I just forgot. I’m not batting for a couple hours though, so there’s no problem.
Me: Yeaaaah… If you could just make sure you take some pitches and swing at better ones from now on that’d be GREAT. And, uh, I’ll go ahead and make sure you get a copy of that memo, mmm-kay?
-———————————-
Later that day:
Me: “um yeaaah, Hi Jake, I… uhhh… wanted to let you know that… uhhh… We’re gonna need you to go ahead and come down to Pawtucket tomorrow and work on your batting practice… mm’kay?”

It’s getting a little bit difficult to keep defending you from the fans from other teams who claim you were on HGH. Slow start, my ass. Who do you think you are, Mark Teixiera?

Start hitting. That is all.

I don’t know from momentum, but you certainly do suck…

Dear Josh Beckett,

Remember in 2007 when you were beyond incredible? and CC Sabathia won the Cy Young instead of you so you just kicked his ass in the playoffs? and you dominated everyone and we won World Series? Remember that? That was awesome. Do it again.

Brains. Brrraaaaaaiiinnsssss…

Six effin’ steals? What the hell?

To Sox management,

Please just try this lineup, just for a week, please.
Drew
MVP
Dock of the Bay
Youk
Papi
Lowell
SS
Tek
speedy

Dear Mike Lowell,
As you well know, during the past offseason, some of us were hoping the Red Sox would acquire a player by the name of Mark Teixiera. If we had, the resulting depth chart changes would likely have pushed you off the team. Fortunately for all of us, that SOB signed with the MFY. While some were bummed at first, you wasted no time showing everyone why the failure to sign Teixeira was really a blessing in disguise. You have performed far beyond the expectations following your surgery, and for that, we can not thank you enough. We were complete asses for wanting to push you out the door after all you had done for us, and you played through our doubts.

Thank you,
RSN

P.S. Tell Youk we’re sorry for wanting to push him out of 1B, too. You have both been great leaders so far this season.