Millions shocked at Yankees' tarnished season
by Randy Booth on Apr 6, 2009 9:14 PM EDT
in News
63 comments
NEW YORK - Chaos ensued in New York City tonight after a rough start by New York Yankees' pitcher CC Sabathia resulted in the Bronx Bombers' first loss of the season.
Sabathia allowed six runs in 4.1 innings against the Orioles who went on to easily win the game 10-5. As soon as the game finished, a state of emergency was issued in New York.
"At this time we feel the best course of action would be to bring the state police in to patrol the streets for the next 48 hours," said Mayor Michael Bloomberg. "Our resources will be maxed out, but we feel it's 100 percent necessary."
Many fans took to the streets after the epic loss.
"I just can't believe it. We worked so hard this offseason and now it's over. It's all over," said 27-year-old fan Nicolas Richard. "I won't be able to watch SportsCenter for at least three months."
Since the loss, 32 deaths have been reported in the city. Thirty-one of those people were wearing some kind of Yankee apparel, including four with "Sabathia" authentic jerseys. The last death was of a Ben James, a 24-year-old Red Sox fan. The cause of death is unknown at this point, but witnesses say he laughed to death when Sabathia was pulled from the game.
Despite 161 games remaining on the schedule, Yankee fans are struggling to grasp tonight's events.
"When's the firesale start?" asked Mike Thompson, 38. "Why carry this payroll during a losing season? It's hopeless. Let's just trade for some overhyped prospects, get all our money back and then spend it wisely this offseason. Hey! I hear Matt Holliday might be available!"
Tammy Wayne, an advertising director for a company in New York, was speechless for 20 straight minutes after the game.
"..." she shook her head. "...what happened?"
With the Yankees 0-1 to start the season, John Pazzari, a plumber, was confused after the loss.
"Wait. If they lost, how are they going to go 162-0?" he said. "I'm no math wizard, but I'm pretty sure it's almost close to impossible to go undefeated after losing a couple of games."
Word of the outcry quickly reached Baltimore, where both Sabathia and Yankees head coach Joe Girardi issued statements.
"This is obviously not something we planned for," Girardi said. "I was told that money buys happiness and ... I'm just not happy right now. I was lied to.
"This is an organization that prides itself on two things: money and mon-- I mean, winning. And when the latter is compromised because of the former, it's just bad. This is not the Yankee way and I apologize."
Sabathia, with his left arm wrapped in ice, held together by dollar bills stapled together, wasn't happy with his performance.
"I thought I was a good pitcher. I want all the Yankee fans out there to believe me when I say that. But, c'mon. I was an Indian. I was a Brewer, for christ's sake!" he said. "How the hell can they give me that type of money and not expect me to suck?"
Mark Teixeira, who was projected to hit 162 home runs this season by most intelligent Yankee fans, also met with the press after the game.
"I blame my wife," Teixeira said, who went 0-for-4 on the day. "If it wasn't for her, I'd be a Red Sox and bashing home runs and drinking whiskey before games. What the hell is so great about New York?"
Alex Rodriguez, who was considered the Yankee savior before he played a single game in pinstripes, issued a statement via e-mail to multiple New York press outlets after the game.
"Ha!"
Editor's Note: I tried my damnedest to write like my satire hero, E-Coli. If I failed epicly, just put a picture from fail blog in the comments. I'll understand.
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Does this mean don't have to work tomorrow?
It could be dangerous to get to mid-town.
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 6, 2009 9:16 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Sorry, buckeroo
You’re going to have to risk life and limb to earn your keep, just like the rest of us. . . .
by lone1c on Apr 6, 2009 9:48 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Umm...
Trying to create our own FailBlog entry now?
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Apr 6, 2009 11:28 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
not bad
I chuckled a few times during this post….and one gafaw!!
“Sabathia, with his left arm wrapped in ice, held together by dollar bills stapled together, wasn’t happy with his performance.”
Kick in the door waving the 4-4.....all you heard was poppa don't hit me no mo'
by CaliforniaGreen on Apr 6, 2009 10:51 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I have CC on my fantasy team.
but its never been so easy to root against the fantasy team. Remember though, that he was 1-4 with a 7.88 ERA in April last year.
by BTLove on Apr 6, 2009 11:17 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Remember though:
Fantasy sucks. It’s killing hardcore fanship. Root and obsess over your team and it’s players.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Apr 6, 2009 11:30 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I think fantasy creates hardcore fanship.
Fanship for baseball, not necessarily a specific team, bu it gets many more people interested in the league in general. If you start rooting for your fantasy team over your real team, then you weren’t an actual fan to start with.
by BTLove on Apr 7, 2009 12:10 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Agreed
Fantasy baseball increases peoples’ overall knowledge of the sport, though the player tickers at the bottom of ballgames is somewhat annoying.
"You know you're having a bad day when the fifth inning rolls around and they drag the warning track." - Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles pitcher, 1992.
by SoxDevil on Apr 7, 2009 12:16 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Exactly.
But you can obsess over which players you like the Sox/other team get through trades or in the offseason just as well.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Apr 7, 2009 12:35 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'll obsess over baseball in general, thank you very much.
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 12:28 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
CC
CC Is my starting fantasy pitcher, I won’t ever cheer for him though.
by Rogue Nine on Apr 7, 2009 11:14 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I never pick MFYs.
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 6:47 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
True.
But being creepy about King Felix is harder to explain that being at the same level of obsessiveness over DP.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Apr 7, 2009 12:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Who is creepy about King Felix?
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 6:47 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
He's one of the better pitchers that everyone knows about.
Someone that fantasy players drool over.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Apr 7, 2009 8:54 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
He's awful in April!
…and in October. >_< (If only McClung had been available to start Game 4 of the NLDS!…well, he would have been more interestingly rocked than Suppan was, but you get the idea. Thanks, CC.)
by morineko on Apr 7, 2009 1:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
That's what you get for spending money on who??!?!?
I laugh as their million dollar payroll just got payrolled by whom? The Orioles? Who’s even on that team…oh BTW C.C. can’t pitch. We killed him in the playoffs then he went to the NL where they are called the Mickey Mouse league compared to the AL….that’s what you get….
by Yee For Three on Apr 7, 2009 12:58 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Everyone has a million dollar payroll.
Even the Marlins.
by bs.uf15bosox9bears23 on Apr 7, 2009 12:09 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Orioles aren't in a terrible place with 8 of the starting 9.
It’s the guy who takes the hill that’s cause for concern.
"You know you're having a bad day when the fifth inning rolls around and they drag the warning track." - Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles pitcher, 1992.
by SoxDevil on Apr 7, 2009 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
that’s why the NL won the WS last year?…
"Cubs fans boo again – 99% of these people can’t see the plate." -Ueck
by dux2bux on Apr 7, 2009 5:59 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Don’t know if you heard, but they have DH’s in the AL, that inflates ERA’s. Pitching in the NL is definitely easier, even if an NL team can beat an AL team in a seven game series.
by BTLove on Apr 7, 2009 7:32 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Please don't argue that the NL is the superior league
That’s going down a road of everybody yelling at you for being wrong. Interleague games have proved the AL is far better. I think this trend will change eventually, but for know, the AL runs things.
It’s like the NBA. Just because the celtics won the finals does NOT mean that the east is better than the west- far from it.
by Schulz on Apr 7, 2009 8:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
rec'd
I def chuckled a few times throughout that read…and for that, you get a rec’d
Just ltrain2 being ltrain2
by Logan Lietz on Apr 7, 2009 2:17 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
one game means nothing…but….seeing C.C. do that as an opening day starter…after the contract they give him, cant help but smirk.
by spinz on Apr 7, 2009 4:27 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, in the grand scheme of things yesterday doesn’t matter… yet here I am at work with a big stupid grin on my face.
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on Apr 7, 2009 9:08 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I liked the post btw, well done.
Pension Plan Puppets*
* Blog contains less than 2% puppet content by weight.
by Chemmy on Apr 7, 2009 9:08 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Heck yeah...
I’m new here, but I thought that was hilarious! I posted a link to it on my Yankee H8er Facebook page… Thanks for the amusement on a snowy April morning here in Western New York!
by GreenGoober on Apr 7, 2009 9:19 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
CC got off to a slow start last year, and Teixeira has a couple of seasons where he got off to a slow start, the key difference: if this is more then just one game, and they both continue to have a slow start, depending on how slow they are to getting up to speed the city and media are going to gradually turn on them, and if that happens they will see scorn like they’ve never witnessed in Cleveland or Texas. If this happens, we’ll see how and if it effects their game.
Again this is only one game, so it could all be a moot point
by Realistic on Apr 7, 2009 9:20 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I'd love to see the MFY fans' reaction if Tex goes 0-for-Baltimore
Not the Pinstripe Alley folks, as they’ve got some relatively cool heads. But the Daily News readin’, Joe from Canarsie types.
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 9:28 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
As gradual as a hurricane-force winds.
"You know you're having a bad day when the fifth inning rolls around and they drag the warning track." - Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles pitcher, 1992.
by SoxDevil on Apr 7, 2009 12:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Great Post
The loss really means nothing, but for the time being I enjoy looking at the AL East standings and seeing the MFY at the bottom.
Money well spent.
by drabidea on Apr 7, 2009 10:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Indians/Rays fan here...
I have John Lester on my fantasy team this year. It’s a love hate respect sort of relationship lol.
Secondly … if you look at my posts from the winter I predicted the CC meltdown at the beginning of the season.
He always comes in to camp overweight. Being overweight he can’t bend his back and get his balls down in the zone. He leaves everything up and he gets whacked. When he finally gets the weight off he will start pitching well again. It will take until about May for it to happen.
As far as Octobers’ record goes. Well he just is not a post season pitcher. I also think he masked inferior pitching by playing in the NL against inferior hitters. His worst mistake is coming back to the AL. If he was smart he would have gone to the Dodgers.
by PewterPirate55 on Apr 7, 2009 11:59 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
CC fail predictors
I agree with you about his NL performance not being a true measure. Sure, we Brewers fans enjoyed him being around, but he had 3 starts against the Reds, 3 against the Pirates, and 2 against the Padres. That’s not exactly a bunch of quality opponents.
Don’t get me started on October. >_< again.
by morineko on Apr 7, 2009 1:23 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Whoever wrote this...E-Coli?
That was nice…Maybe the Onion might give you a call
Very nice work
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
by sox-inda-south on Apr 7, 2009 2:57 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
writer should be fired
ok…the writer of this article must be the biggest rays or redsox fan in the world be he is a complete idiot!! tarnished season? wow…the phillies also lost to the braves are they done for the year?? either the redsox or rays will lose today, is their season tarnished?? you should be fired from your job mr. booth bc u are an embarassment to baseball followers everywhere. i cant stand coming across articles like this bc it tarnishes the game when someone that knows nothing about baseball and doesnt realize 1 bad start does nothing to a teams season but put them 0-1..he could go out next time and throw a no no.. you my friend are an idiot and should never write a sports article again..
by tchaney14 on Apr 7, 2009 3:01 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I'm not even sure what to say to this
Wow. This is amazing. I just want to clarify a few things here. This is a RED SOX blog. Obviously Mr. Booth is a Sox fan. Obviously, he hates the Yankees.
Also, this was not a real article. This wasn’t going in the Boston Globe. IT WAS A JOKE!!! You say he should never write an article again, but with an absolutely moronic reply, you should never be allowed to comment on baseball blogs.
"Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said...'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.' "
-Ricky Bobby
by nepats108 on Apr 7, 2009 3:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Did you miss the who editors note on the bottom “I tried my damnedest to write like my satire hero…”, the emphasis on SATIRE, i.e. in jest, he is joking around, no that is not the opinions he actually holds. I mean even if you don’t catch the obvious signs that he is just joking around throughout the article, he spelled it right out in the editors note saying that it is satire.
If anything criticize him for poking fun at how some Yankee fans are reacting, but even then any sensible person reading that article knows he is just joking around, and it’s not at all meant to be critical of Yankee fans, and that it is all in good fun, just like if the Sox bomb today and someone on Pinestrip Ally tomorrow wrote a similar article, I would laugh to because everyone knows full well that one game in the grand scheme of things is almost meaningless.
by Realistic on Apr 7, 2009 3:21 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Welcome to OTM, tchaney14
Please read more carefully next time before jumping to conclusions. Are you aware that this is a Red Sox site?
If you are not familiar with the word satire, perhaps this will help:
Satire
–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
I gotta go 'cause I'm probably definitely gonna nod out again.
by Drugs Delaney on Apr 7, 2009 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Welcome to OTM, tchaney14
Please read more carefully next time before jumping to conclusions. Are you aware that this is a Red Sox site?
If you are not familiar with the word satire, perhaps this will help:
Satire
–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
I gotta go 'cause I'm probably definitely gonna nod out again.
by Drugs Delaney on Apr 7, 2009 3:49 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
My work computer sucks …
I gotta go 'cause I'm probably definitely gonna nod out again.
by Drugs Delaney on Apr 7, 2009 3:50 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Satire?
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 6:50 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
As in, tchaney is a spoof?
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 6:50 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
What everyone else said...
and wow…tchaney, great first post.
by BTLove on Apr 7, 2009 7:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Close, but no cigar
If I hadn’t seen who had written it beforehand, It would have been a toss-up. Just a hair below E-Coli status.
Well, I'll appreciate for you to keep my zingers outta your mouth!
by BoSox415 on Apr 7, 2009 3:34 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Good one
I am a Yankee fan, and even I thought this was funny because it is not that far from the truth. The way people can overreact to one game is truly amazing.
by turnbackthealarm on Apr 7, 2009 7:06 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Other things that could have been included
Pedroia is on pace for 162 HR.
Teixeira is on pace for a BA of .000
by Schulz on Apr 7, 2009 8:22 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Rename the Hall.
Manny ain't the only bad man.
by tommy.otm on Apr 7, 2009 11:21 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Hall of Pedroia sounds better than the Pedroia of Fame.
"You know you're having a bad day when the fifth inning rolls around and they drag the warning track." - Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles pitcher, 1992.
by SoxDevil on Apr 8, 2009 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Hall of Old Dudes Who Are Almost As Cool As Pedroia
or as I like to call it, the HOODWAAACAP…
"It's just a tiny little nick, but it hurts when I get champagne in there."
- Jason Bay, on getting spiked scoring the winning run in ALDS Game Four.
by 0157H7 on Apr 8, 2009 10:48 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
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