Many people believe in the wisdom of the ancients. Although they speak to us in cryptic, mysterious ways; although their words come in the form of a riddle wrapped in conundrum, bound in a lockbox, and lightly sauteed with pretension, their words still come through. Sometimes we must interpret their wisdom freely.
Tonight I will take you on one such journey of the mind and spirit. We look at an ancient text rich in symbolism and meaning. Its words must be slowly unravelled:
I don't care if Lee is a Cy Young winner.
Our augur starts with talk of the past, foreshadowing his foretelling of the future.
The way we’re playing he could pitch a 9-inning shut-out.
He turns to the present, and begins his prediction. Suddenly, like a tiger, he springs into action:
And we’d just win it in the double-overtime shootout when Adam Vinateri kicks a homer through the snow.
Deep. Profound. Almost incomprehensible. It is such prose that always accompanies the true voices of fortune telling. They glimpse the truth of the future, but it drives them to madness. However with proper interpretation, the nonsensical made be made non-nonsensical. So let us break it down
And = conjunction, typically not used to start sentences
we'd = contraction of "we would"
just = something baseball rarely is
win = opposite of lose. Also opposite of 2009 Yankees.
it in the = the beginning of a prepositional phrase
double-overtime shootout = a confluence of sports phrases indicating the very end of a game
when Adam Vinateri = Here 'Adam Vinateri' must be taken figuratively, especially since his name is misspelled. It is easy to divine the seer's meaning here, however. Adam Vinatieri was born in South Dakota, in the US, in 1972 AD. The opposite of 'South' is 'North' and the opposite of AD is BC. North of the US is Canada, and a province in Canada is B.C. (British Columbia). Furthermore, Adam plays for the Colts, who are named for horses, which make trails.
Therefore, Adam Vinateri clearly means Jason Bay, who was born in Trail, B.C.
kicks a homer through the snow = Trail BC has snow, and Jason Bay hit a home run, and helped kick the Indians' closer out of the game. Plus the Sox won. The prophecy has come true!
Can the ancients predict further earth-shattering events with stunning precision? Will the Sox win #12 tomorrow? Why does this game recap not mention Wakefield, who threw 7 scoreless innings and was awesome? Has this stream of interrogatives gone on too long? Yes, Yes, I don't know, and Yes!