[Stop. Please read this before proceeding... NANANANANA, STATMAN!... Done? Now read on.]

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the story you are about to read is true. Only the words have been changed to protect the innocent."

[Cue Dragnet intro music.]

Hi Fans,

I decided to create this post simply so that I could understand it, as opposed to complicatedly, which is hard to understand... I mean so that there is no more whining from either side of the so-called Red Sox Yankees rivalry. The numbers listed below are facts and not opinions:

YANKEEZ Numberz of teh RINGZ: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, (yo bra, what's after 21?!)... 22... 23... 24... 25... 26... 27... 27 RINGZ!!!! SPOONED!

RED SUX RINGZ: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 7 RINGZ! awfulolzomgesundheit!

NUMBRE OF YEARZ AS LARGEST PAYROLL IN MLB: ALL OF THEM!

AMOUNT COMMITTED TO 3 FREE AGENTS IN 2008-09 OFFSEASON TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES: $423.5 million ($161 mil C C Sandwichia, $180 mil Teixeira, $82.5 mil Burnett).

NUMBER OF SHINY TEETH IN DEREK JETER'S FACE: 33!

NUMBER OF SHINY STARS ON DEREK JETER'S REPORT CARD: 200!

NUMBER OF TIMES I FANTASISE ABOUT DEREK JETER IN TEH SHOWER: [redacted - the Mgt.]

NUMBER OF TIMES WE YANKEE FANS IGNORED THE GREATEST CHOKE IN PLAYOFF HISTORY: Every.

NUMBER OF TIMES WE YANKEE FANS IGNORED THE TEAM DURING THE FIRST HALF OF TEH SEASON, WHEN THEY SUCKED: A lot.

NUMBER OF CURSES AND INSULTS UTTERED TO A RED SOX CLOSER AND HIS WIFE ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK: 1,362 (Hat tip - Rasmussen polling.)

NUMBER OF NEW YORK'S FINEST RIOT POLICE MASSING ON THE FIELD TO PROTECT PLAYERS FROM AN ANGRY MOB IN THE 2004 ALCS: Several hundred.

How is this a rivalry?

In addition ungrammaticalcomma to the numbers listed above where'sacommawhenyouneedone the 2009 Yankees had the best record of any World Series winner this decade!! Which is much more awesome than sweeping two World Series, or coming back from being down 3-1 in one series, and 3-0 in another! Or competing with $70 million less in payroll!

Hats off to the WORLD CHAMPEEN New York Yankees, so that we can collect change from passersby and maybe one day afford a ticket to see them!