FanPost

A Few Questions for the Yankees' new SS

An interview with Yankee replacement shortstop Alberto Gonzales,* freshly called up from the Department of Justice:

0157H7: Welcome. So how does it feel to be a part of the vaunted Yankees organization? To walk in the footsteps of Mickey Mantle and Babe Ruth?

Alberto Gonzales: Well, you know, at first I thought I wouldn't really fit in. I wasn't thinking about the Yankee mystique or anything; I don't worry much about history, or legacies.

Instead, I thought of all the great people that are currently a part of the Yankees. Guys like Jason [Giambi] and Andy [Pettitte]. But then I started to realize how much I had in common with them. For instance, until I talked to Jason in the clubhouse, I never knew that he almost talked before Congress. And Andy spoke to their investigators. People in Congress really wanted to talk to them. I can understand that, because I've talked to Congress too.

0: What did you tell Congress?

AG: I can't recall.

0: ...You seem to be hitting well so far in your call up.

AG: I have no knowledge of that.

0: What do you do in your time away from baseball?

AG: I have this favorite activity at home. Some people tell me it's unpleasant, but I really get a kick out of it.

0: Oh, what is that?

AG: Well, I watch surfing on TV. I find that makes me thirsty, so I drink a lot of Dasani. I call it "waterboarding." Nobody else likes it though - they claim trying it out is torture.

0: I see. The President has stressed the dangers of steroids. Considering your connection to him, are you worried about being seen as a narc among your fellow players?

AG: I'm a real team player - it's part of how I got where I am. Like my good friend Andy, I'd always be there if a teammate needed a shot in the arm, or in the proverbial butt. That said, I have no recollection of seeing any of my colleagues breaking the law.

0: You're close to President Bush. I know there's still another 281 days, but what do you see him doing after he leaves office? For example, could you see him becoming commissioner of MLB?

AG: Bud Selig is one dictator that Mr Bush won't take on..

 

*Actual Yankee infielder named Gonzalez, not Gonzales. Interview entirely fictional.

Trending Discussions

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Over the Monster

You must be a member of Over the Monster to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Over the Monster. You should read them.

Join Over the Monster

You must be a member of Over the Monster to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Over the Monster. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker